juushika: Screen capture of the Farplane from Final Fantasy X: a surreal landscape of waterfalls and flowers. (Anime/Game)
I only IM with a few people, and only two on a daily basis, and one of them is Express. Express is the reason that my video game Tumblr exists: that I would put my video game liveblogs and gigantic essays there, instead of rapid firing them into his IM window.

So now I liveblog manga into his IM window.

I'm reading the manhwa Let Dai (find it here) and it is giving me a lot of feelings. Jaehee is an average, obedient high schooler until he spots a local gang targeting a classmate and is introduced to Dai, the head of the gang. Dai's intense beauty and psychopathic behavior fascinates Jaehee even as it revolts him, and the two are drawn inexorably together. I will write a review one day when I have finished it (I'm two thirds the way there now), but when I say I'm having a lot of feelings what I mean is OH GOD HOLD ME, MY HEART.

So in lieu of a proper post, I'll do that thing where I harvest my IM monologues and turn them into edited sentences.

I found Let Dai by searching for "twisted relationships manga" because I am super predictable. The site where I'm reading it posts two pages at a time, set at a default size I have to squint to read; magnifying it aggravates my repetitive stress issues: I am literally suffering to read this thing and it is worth it.

Hilariously—in a story which, while sexually inexplicit, is still about gangs and hormonal teenage boys and a psychopath—for the first couple volumes swearing is sometimes rendered as F$#@ing. Really. This is particularly hilarious when Dai shows up with FUCK written on his bandanna and then this becomes an actual thing which actually happens:


It sorta kills the immersion if you know what I mean. (Also the sound effects are ridiculous, especially early in.)

"It's raining crazy hard!," says Naru. "On a day like this, you should lie on your stomach, eat junk food, and read comic books 'til you pass out." Okay yes sounds like a plan I agree.

But under that: it's perfect. SPOILERS EVERYWHERE. Please no end spoilers in comments. )
juushika: Drawing of a sleeping orange cat. (I should have been born a cat)
Cat story the first.

At evil o'clock (usually between 6 and 8 a.m.) the cat wakes me by scratching at my closet door. The closet is where the food lives; she eats "breakfast" at 11a. If I yell at and/or ignore her and go back to sleep, she'll do it again, every hour or so. She'll only do it if I'm sleeping. She does it because I'm sleeping.

If I get up, she'll run under the bed. I can't bribe her with a piece of food—I must actually put an entire serving in her bowl. And then I pick her up before she can eat it and lock her in the bathroom until 11a.

This morning, she did the scratching thing and I did the yelling thing and then she ... seemed to let me go back to bed. But then I would hear a random, weird and muffled, scratching noise, but I couldn't see the cat. It was less annoying but much stranger than usual, so I finally got up. I couldn't find her anywhere—in the closet, under the bed.

The cat had gotten herself stuck in a mostly-zipped up suitcase in my closet.

I rolled the suitcase out of my room and into the bathroom and then I let her out so that she could spend the next few hours not annoying me.


Cat story the second.

When I was in San Francisco, Dee went up to see the Mariners for their opening game. We were going to ask our neighbor to catsit, so she was out of town; instead, Devon drove up for a few days. (It gets better: This week, my father is driving down to California to meet my mother, who is coming back northward after a few months spent with my grandparents in Texas. While he's in California, I'm heading to Corvallis to housesit and watch Jamie the dog.) Just after he came home, we had the following IM conversation.

Devon: I didn't know when you were feeding August, so I just fed her every twelve hours. You know 11:00 am and 11:00 pm. I don't know how much she liked waiting that long for foods in the morning.

Me: yep that's exactly when I've been feeding her actually
so that "waiting"
was not waiting
it was her normal time

Devon: Sweet.

Me: NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL
juushika: Screen capture of the Farplane from Final Fantasy X: a surreal landscape of waterfalls and flowers. (Anime/Game)
Express: ....
HOW DID HE DO THAT
...
>.<
/me just watched mountains appear

Juushika: I know
it just
makes me all fuzzy inside
soothing and magical and hypnotizing

Express: ...
the knife

Juushika: bob ross I love you

Express: how
my mind

Juushika: when clips end I cry inside
when I find concurrent clips
I rejoice
there are layers of clouds, express
layers of happy little clouds
AND THEN THE CLIP ENDS
WHY
WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME

Express: I AM BEING AMAZED
HOW
IT JUST HAPPENS
he puts brush to canvas
THEN MAGIC

Juushika: happy little tree shapes T_T

Express: ...
so calm

Juushika: no mistakes
only happy accidents
and the secret to doing anything
is believing you can do it
bob ross please stop being perfect

Express: "i bet you're sitting there thinkin 'he's really messed up this time'… you may be right"
END OF CLIP



Juushika: NO NO STOP THAT
STOP IT BOB
STOP

Express: i dont even know


and I end leave you with...
Express: LITTLE BIRDS GOTTA HAVE A PLACE TO PUT THEIR FOOTS
juushika: Photograph of a stack of books, with one lying open. (Books)
Romance is defined by the people involved, of course—their tastes, weaknesses, personalities—but in mine own relationship few things are more romantic than (in a conversation about using one of the Zunes for a day):

Me:...well I wouldn't want to be spoiled or anything.
Devon: When are you ever not spoiled?

Because from him to me, that's the purest and sweetest expression of love.

Anyhow. The good news is I've been better these last two days. I know this is ironic coming on the heels of an update about how depressed I am, but it's nonetheless true. Yesterday I cleaned the room, and was therefore productive and mostly content. Today Devon dropped me off downtown for a bit, and it was wonderful. It was, in fact, almost exactly what I was aiming for in this post about planning to get out and about more often: "careful, short hours spent around books, coffee," ... no trees because it was temperamental and chilly out, but I'm sure you follow. I went to Starbucks for a soy mocha ([livejournal.com profile] kaimetso, did I mention that I drink soy now? Your mention of it a bit ago convinced me to finally give it a try, and not only does it fail to upset my tummy it also has a wonderful texture and tastes delicious—and silly as it is I feel better now that I'm back to a froufrou drink with my "tall soy mocha" and yes I know I'm shallow) and then walked the few blocks to the library; I penned a book review which I should type up soon, jotted down a to-read list out of Little Red Riding Hood Uncloaked, and did a bit of book browsing followed by reading on fairy tales and related subjects.

I found a chair at the library (up on the second floor, although next time I'm there I shall poke around to see if it has a twin somewhere not in the middle of things) that I would have kidnapped if I could have done so covertly. It was asymmetrical and plush, a comfortable and almost handsome beast with an oversized swooping shell back. The asymmetry made it possible to curl up against one side or lean an arm against the other: a chair of a dozen positions, of never growing stiff or bored; a chair of great comfort. I took my shoes off and snuggled up and was at home there—a great place for some quality reading. It's a pity I would have been rather conspicuous lugging it down the stairs, or it would be home with me now. (Where we'd put it is anyone's guess.)

I was at some point supposed to call Devon and tell him I was ready to be picked up; instead I got engrossed in my reading and lost track of time, so he just came down and found me himself. There's something joyful about glancing up to see someone you recognize—and love. We went out to dinner afterward, because Thursday is our weekly date night. Later in the evening we watched Picnic at Hanging Rock, which I loved (though Devon found it only "okay").

Today I would have been content just to get out of the house, drink my coffee and check out the book I had on hold and go to dinner with the boy, and that's the secret I think: to do something—a little something, preferable a something which doesn't require much brain or skill so that I can feel accomplished without too high a chance of failure; if the smarts and skill chose to follow, all the better. It can be a step out of the depression, and may even lead to good things. I know that to most "normal" people this sounds obvious, the common and poor piece of advice to snap out of it—but you have to remember that depression is not logical and rarely sees any potential for positive change. It's hard to force yourself to try something else, to even think about trying something else. Thus the monotony of hopelessness and uselessness.

Deciding to try something else isn't the end of the battle, either: these last few days could have easily collapsed around me (too clumsy to clean, too unmotivated by lack of result...; too unmotivated to get dressed and moving, to overwhelmed to remain in public...) and I did collapse upon returning this evening—my back hurts and I'm exhausted and slow and stupid. Tomorrow I'll spend all day in bed, trying not to get angry at myself if I don't have the strength to type up that review. But we get the point—I get the point, because writing this is mostly a reminder to my own self not to get swept away by one upturn and then crash hard if/when it doesn't continue.

It's not perfect. It's not a promise. But it has been a pair of good days, and today in particular was great—and that is wonderful.

Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today!
juushika: Drawing of a sleeping orange cat. (I should have been born a cat)
The other day I came into the kitchen and Janet (Devon's mother) was there cooking. "You surprised me!" she said. "You shouldn't be so quiet. Wait, how can you be so quiet walking on plastic?"

Because there's a plastic sheet over the carpet in the hallways which leads from my bedroom to the living room and kitchen—so that we can use the hallway while we treat the carpet beneath with enzymes.

As I left the kitchen and started back down the hallway, Janet called out from the kitchen, "Madison!" And then came around the corner and saw me standing in the hallway looking confused and said. "Oh, I thought you were Madison. Sorry, you can be in the hallway."

Because we're treating the carpet to try to put an end to the cats using it as a litterbox, and we're afraid they'll try even with the plastic down. Madison is one of the two family cats, a tiny little tabby not much bigger than a kitten. This is Madison. And Janet mistook me for her. I know it's a little thing and it makes me no more a cat but really, it tickled me greatly. There's a certain self-righteous pleasure in thinking—a cat! I sound like one!
juushika: Screen capture of the Farplane from Final Fantasy X: a surreal landscape of waterfalls and flowers. (Anime/Game)
So my dear friend Express ([livejournal.com profile] ryo_baka) IMed me about a Second Life fashion blog run by a rather over-the-top gay male prone to wearing corsets and fishnet and buckle pants, and we compared notes about his fashion sense. (If you're confused by the "/me"s, that comes from Second Life too.) The conversation that followed, well, it's classic Juu, and so I'm preserving it and presenting it to the general public.

Juushika:: my version of fashion is different from yours :P

Express: the pants >.<

Juushika: I'm not saying they're normal or anything
but I think they're not bad on a guy ^^

Express: /me was trying to be open-minded
but.. there's only so far you can open

Juushika: /me gigglesnorts
dude
that is a gay pun if I ever saw one

Express: ....

Juushika: ^___^

Express: you see gay everywhere don't you

Juushika: it is everywhere
but seriously you can not say you don't see it there :P

Express: only after you pointed it out
you're like rule 34

Juushika: <3

Express: except is like juu rule 34
Juu's Rule 34: If it is exists, it is gay.

Juushika: this is so true
and I so want to quote it on my LJ >.>

Express: go ahead :P
juushika: Drawing of a sleeping orange cat. (Default)
When I say that Dude acts like a dog and follows me around the house, what I mean is: (As happened in the hallway not half an hour ago.)

YOURS TRULY: [Emerges from bathroom to find cat, DUDE, in the hallway. Bends down to pet cat. Dog, WOOF, comes down the hallway and asks to be pet.]
BOY'S DAD: [Emerges from master bedroom into hallway; halts, as hallway is now impassable.]
BOY'S DAD: There seems to be a cat.
WOOF, THE DOG: [Hearing BOY'S DAD, runs over towards him.]
YOURS TRULY: Yes. He was waiting for me.
BOY'S DAD: He follows you around?
YOURS TRULY: Yes. I go into the hall, he goes into the hall. I go outside, he goes outside. I go into the bedroom, he goes into the bedroom.
YOURS TRULY: [Stands up, moves towards bedroom to clear the hallway.]
DUDE, THE CAT: [Follows.]
BOY'S DAD: So he does. That's funny, I have a dog that does the same thing.

Which is all the more humorous if you know that 1) Dude and Woof are both black and white, therefore similar in appearance, 2) Dude and Woof don't much get along.
juushika: Photograph of the torso and legs of a female-bodied figure with a teddy bear. (Bear)
I'm spending this morning/early afternoon with my family. I came home for Sunday breakfast, and then my father and I went to go pick my sister up at the train station. She's coming down for a day and a half so that she can go to the U of O orientation, as she's transferrring there from U of W.

On the car ride back to the house:

Sister: What are we having for dinner?
Papa: What do you want?
Sister: Chicken.
Papa: What kind of chicken?
Sister: Cooked.

Black sheep as I am, I am most certainly a part of this family.

Back at Devon's house, we are currently without internet and will be so until Monday afternoon. I've been filling the free time with much reading. Meanwhile: Mark, I got the package, and will respond in all thanks when I've tested scents a bit ^_^; Bart, I'm so sorry I haven't written yet but I will soon; everyone else, I'm not ignoring you, just unable to read LJ or anything else for that matter.

Hoping all is well!

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juushika: Drawing of a sleeping orange cat. (Default)
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