Solo RPG: Bloom by Litza Bronwyn

[juushika]

Bloom by Litza Bronwyn is available PWYW on itch.io. It's a Wretched and Alone-system game directly inspired by Wilder Girls by Rory Power. Y'all, I loved this one.

CW for canon-typical body horror & allusions to teenage sex. Spoilers for plot beats in Wilder Girls.


Entry 1

Finally got into Z’s room, earlier today, the distraction trick worked. I was right. She’s not there. I knew it, KNEW IT.

I have to look for her. No one’s found our exit, I can use it to get off school grounds. V will try to convince me not to. (She’s already started. She suspects.) But if the teachers lied to me about Z being in the hospital wing –

She could be anywhere. She’s not dead. Why lie about that? Girls die all the time. She’s not in the school, I’ve looked everywhere. So ... I’ll search the island. Somehow. Quarantined be damned, I’ll be smart, we’ve gotten out before, no one caught us. Same thing, just high stakes this time.

Be safe Z, be safe, I'm working on it, please be safe.


Entry 2

8♥️When you're chosen to go on a supply run and your best friend isn't, she refuses to talk to you. What do you say to try to get through to her? Do you apologize? Are you angry because she's being unreasonable? How long do you go on not talking?

K♥️Somewhere, deep down, you know they aren't coming for you. How does that make you feel? Do you tell anyone else, or do you continue to let them believe you'll be rescued?

I need to try to gather supplies & talk to V about leaving, but I got pulled in, last minute pick, for today's supply run. Took Aster's place – tox, always tox, too weak to leave her bed. I'm telling myself that the supply run was good practice, refresh my skills, learn the path, but it just feels like wasted time + I already wasted so much time believing Z was just in the hospital wing.

And now V won't talk to me. I tried to tell her that getting picked isn't a big deal, but she wouldn't listen. Like I want to risk my life picking up a half-empty box of granola bars. I need her on my side. Need her to be ok when I leave.

Not kidding about half-empty box. Supply run, 3 girls, could have just sent one except then who would carry the rifles? Only enough to fill 1 1/2 packs. Military is BULLSHIT, stringing us along. Z in hospital: lies. Military: lies. Everyone is LYING.

I just need V to believe me. I need her help. Saved half a granola bar for her.


Entry 3

9♣️A storm sweeps in, raging with thunder and lightning. Are you outside in the wilds or safe inside the school? What about the storm makes you terrified to your core? Pull from the tower.

5♥️You know the teachers talk to the military on their radios. You steal one and demand to talk to your missing friend. What do you say when they refuse? Do you curse or cry? How does it feel when they condescend to you and treat you like a child?

A♠️You begin to develop gills along your ribcage. It's a slow and painful process, but you find that you can breathe underwater – only briefly at first, but then for longer and longer periods of time. You'll be able to leave the island soon, if you want, but it would mean leaving everyone else behind.

Some days since my last entry. Still haven't made it off the grounds. Storm came through 3? days ago. Everyone able has been on high alert. Tree took out a section of the fence, north end. Double shifts of sniping duty in pouring rain, watching for attack. Nothing. Everyone's exhausted. Me, too.

One good thing: V has been too busy to give me the cold shoulder. Cried when I gave her the granola bar. We locked ourselves in our closet, if you know you know, not writing details down in case someone gets ahold of this. Curled up in a blanket, made that granola bar last ages, nibbling. Talking. She's the only person on the whole damn island who I can talk to now that Z –

She knows I'm going after Z. Hasn't told me yet, but I know she'll come with.

Too dark to see page. Will write the rest tomorrow.

Next day: Storm passing? Still rain, but the winds are dying down. I'm so tired.

Heard Mrs. W on radio. Two days ago? During storm. They're talking, military and teachers, and no one tells us shit. Pretended to be busy moving boxes + got glimpse of frequency. Can't risk trying it during the day. Tonight.

Something else I need to write but I've been afraid to, can't, don't want to. Fuck. Crying. Okay here goes.

I think something is wrong with my stomach. Open sores? cuts? on my ribs, three on each side, just below my breasts. I showed V. She was scared for me but she touched them. Felt ... felt real, someone else touching them. Like I'm not crazy. Just fucking infected or whatever, tox, everything everything ALWAYS tox, why not me too, TOX TOX TOX.

Hurts like hell.

Update, after lights out, can't see, too dark. Called radio. Pretended to be Miss G. Asked about Z. Military asshat clocked me. Said students weren't allowed on radio. Called me sweetheart. Gag. Fuck teachers fuck military fuck weather fuck tox

Z I'm coming


Entry 4

7♠️You feel a hideous pain in your chest, and it becomes difficult to breathe. Your heart beats rapidly, and you begin to gag. After hours of struggling past the pain and dizziness and nausea, you finally choke up what appears to be a second heart, stunted and spasming. Does it feel like the tox is trying to kill you or trying to give you a gift? [Note: Cutting this prompt, since this entry got too cluttered and this story beat never came up again.]

7♠️You grow a second spine, a hard ridge of bone that splits your skin open and makes you bleed. It hurts to lay or lean your back on any hard surface. Do you feel like a monster?

6♠️The Tox makes you shake with a fever, your body hot and cold all over, your head swimming. You have no strength to fight the teachers as they take you to the hospital wing and put you in a room alone. You can hear your friend outside, arguing to be let in. How does it make you feel?

5♣️While you're on guard duty with a rifle on the roof of the school, a wild animal breaks through the fence and goes straight for a younger girl. You don't have a clean shot, and only half a second to react before she's torn to shreds. You hit the animal, but you know it was a close call.

J♣️You hear a commotion outside, and a girl rushes into the school to breathlessly announce that the gate was left open and an animal is inside. As students and teachers arm themselves and rush to defend the school, you realize you were the last one to sneak back in from the grounds, and you forgot to lock the gate behind you. You hear screams as a girl is torn apart by the monster, and its roar as it's caught in a spray of bullets. How does it feel to have so much blood on your hands?

EVERYTHING fucked

Writing, hospital wing. Thank you V for journal, smuggled in with blanket, angel, love you.

Chronological order. Okay.

MANY days since last entry. A week maybe? I've been able to make it through the fence a few times. Practice, recon. The growths/cuts on my ribs are gills. GILLS, insane, everything insane. Breathing air feels like it’s getting harder? but I tried and I can breathe water, it feels so weird. Can’t do it for very long. Need to practice. If I can swim, maybe I can go by water while searching the island? Hopefully safer than the woods.

Funny b/c I've always hated water. Whatever. No time for that now.

Swimming is progress. I think/hope it's progress. Everything else going TO SHIT

4?-5? days ago, came back from recon/swim, crept in our exit. That evening, animal made it through fence. It came through our exit, I'm sure of it, west side, same trees, that makes it my fucking fault

Becca was killed in the attack. She was 15. Survived three tox attacks and she dies NOW. I got killing shot on the thing but it's not enough. Not fucking ENOUGH.

I'm sorry Becca.

Missed funeral. (Don't deserve to go.) I've been handling the gills, the gills were shitty but okay. But everything just came on all at once. Worst I've had before this is sores on back. I was lucky before. Not anymore. Symptoms:

- Gills

- Pain everywhere, especially ribs, shoulders, arms, spine

- Cramps, dizzy, vomiting, like worst period ever except no period in months and ALSO

- V said growth on back. can't see it, external spine? can feel it, like cartilage, flexible, ew, wish I had a better mirror

I miss V. So much. Passed out when I got sick, woke up in hospital wing, she must not have been able to keep me out. Comes twice a day asking to see me. Teachers won't let her. But got me journal, spare blanket, extra food.

Later the same day. Hand cramped, writing all that. Had to stop. Had to have a cry and a nap, I feel like a baby. Nightmare about Becca + toxdeer? whatever thing was I killed, tearing her apart.

Woke up and heard V arguing outside my door.

She'll help me. Soon as I can stand, getting out of here, taking V, finding Z. Can't be worse out there than it is in here.

V, if the tox gets me, if it's you reading this, I want you to know: Thank you. Please find Z. But I'll understand if you don't.

Scared. Honestly really scared. Never been this sick. Feel like my whole body is changing. There’s this other thing, inside of me. Fish-person? Gills and back fin?? God that's so stupid.

Can't think. Hurts.

Going to try to sleep again.


Entry 5

9♥️You overhear a radio conversation between one of the teachers and the military, and find out that the island has already been reported as destroyed. Despite what all the students believe, you realize that all your parents believe you're dead. How does this make you feel? How was your relationship with your parents? Do you tell anyone else what you've learned?

6 ♥️You overhear a teacher talking over the radio to the military about your friend that disappeared, in the present tense. How does it feel to know she's still alive, wherever she is?

3 ♦️A shipment of food arrives, within it a bright, ripe orange. You dive for it, along with several other girls, nails ripping at each other's flesh to claim the sweet prize. Whose blood do you draw to win it? What injury do you sustain? Do you keep it all for yourself or share it?

Do hard to find private space + time to write. In our closet. V sleeping at my side. Cramped legs but she needs rest. So cute, drooling.

Last entry was about a week ago. They let me out of the hospital wing, obvs, but kept me for a long time. Not sure why? I was really sick, but it was more than that. Not sure. Just felt like they were waiting for something. For me to die maybe.

ANYWAY who cares!!

Heard teachers on radio, talking to military. (They have me on "desk duty" lots of organizing, sorting, inventorying, etc while I'm "recovering." See? it's weird, teachers being too careful w/ me.) But good way to eavesdrop. Been keeping my head down, pretending not to hear.

1) Z IS ALIVE

Heard military dick (they all sound the same) use her full name before teacher yanked volume dial down. Didn't hear much more, but it was present tense. Z "is" not "was." That must mean military has her? No other option. No idea how/where, but if she's out there AND SHE IS then we'll find her. M + V 4ever plan rescue mission is GO

2) Military told the parents the island was destroyed. Picked this up from context a few days ago, not 100% sure, but pretty sure. Still coping with that. Feels far away, Mom, Dad, everything else. Probably the important part is it means no rescue, no one coming except military + ha ha fat chance of that. But step one is still Z. Mom + Dad don't need me right now. Z does.

3) This is stupid. Not sure why writing. Orange in shipment girls brought in. Real food, not canned food. Real FRUIT. Just one. I went a little crazy, not proud of myself. Basically punched someone, think it was Lizzie? I should feel bad. I do feel bad. But it's just me and V now, against the world. We need the calories & also to feel something that isn't her arm-thing and my fish-person thing. Closet still smells like orange, sharp, like the peel.

Ow my hand. But

4) V is – I'd be lost w/out her. Pretty sure she got me out of hospital wing, been helping me with food, helping me get better. She'll help me w/ Z. I feel like.......

No space in my brain to feel it. Z has to be my priority. But V if you're reading this

(hope not!!)

I love you. Dunno how to say it, dunno what it means right now. Just that. Love you. Thank you. Let’s do this.


Entry 6

A♣️You find your way to the old groundskeeper's cabin in the woods. It's overgrown and breaking apart, rotting back into the wilderness as if it's decades old rather than only months abandoned. As you look around, you hear the snap of twigs, and turn to see the groundskeeper approaching. His skin has turned to bark and moss, his eyes glazed over with an animal hunger. He lunges at you, and misses, and collapses at your feet into a pile of dirt and rot.

3♣️Through the fence surrounding the school yard, you see the shapes of animals moving swiftly hrough the underbrush. They stop and turn, as if sensing you, and catch your eye. What do you see when they look at you? What do they want?

Q♥️It's supply day, but no supplies come, which can only mean one thing. The military knows someone's been breaking the quarantine. Without food, the girls begin to break down into panic. Does anyone know it was you? Does anyone blame you?

I'm well enough to be back on watch duty + that means I'm also well enough to be back on recon duty, search for Z. Our exit got patched after Becca, but it only took me two days to find a new one. That doesn't feel like luck. Know what that feels like? Feels like the fence is breaking down. I think I kind of thought autumn + winter would be quiet, everything hibernating, dying, whatever. But every time I go out, it's wilder. Black-eyed susans (Mom's favorite) growing up to my shoulders, beauty berries (think that's the name, purple clusters?) everywhere, big clusters, forest will be just purple after leaves drop. Leaves, so many, red, like trees + ground are bleeding. Been taking V out too, practicing. She can't use rifle – her arm, I don't think she'll ever be able to shoot again – but she has pistol & knife, stolen from armory. There's not too many girls left. People don't notice when weapons go missing. Just food.

Supply run yesterday. Girls came back empty, said no drop-off. Teachers are worried. Everyone's worried. I think I should feel guilty, I probably do, just...

Look, this is what I know:

Military in contact with teachers + military declared island destroyed + military knows Z is alive?? = military's not going to rescue us, military is lying (duh), military sucks

I can't figure out the Z situation. If they know she's alive, then they must have her? Where? WHY? Would they take her off island? if so, why would they still be talking about her w/ teachers?

Okay so I can't put together all the pieces, but some things are super obvious. 1) fuck them 2) they're not reliable which means 3) maybe they cut off food as punishment b/c I'm breaking quarantine, maybe they're just leaving all of us to die, doesn't matter b/c 4) plan doesn't change. Get Z. Get off island.

V agreed. I know she doesn't care about Z like I do. That's okay. Not her sister. Not her responsibility. But it feels good that she agrees with my logic (ha, "logic," I'm trying okay) and also wants to get off this island. We're both pretty fucked up, her arm + my ... everything. But we'll figure it out. Together.

Later same day/next morning I guess. My turn on watch, then ate. Back in dorm now.

Anyway we've been going out. Searching forest. Wish I was right that autumn = everything hibernating, b/c there's a lot of animals out. I wonder if we should be hunting them? But no one wants to eat tox plants, tox berries, tox meat. Even if we boiled the hell out of it, it's just wrong. It's not a contaminant, it's IN, in us, in them. Changing. I saw this tox rabbit, think it was a rabbit. Body felt right, ears gone, fur turned white, but, big, like 2x the size of a regular rabbit. And it looked at me. I swear it looked at me, not like a person but not like a rabbit either. Like –? I'm not sure.

V and I found the groundskeeper's cabin. Ruins really. I knew it was close, had been there before tox, when Z took me exploring. Groundskeeper, Mr. G, lived there. He was nice, didn't rat us out, even served tea.

He was still there. I think it was him? Like the rabbit: body seemed right but he was covered in moss, bark, vines. I think he was trying to talk but all that came out were these sounds like wood cracking, groaning. Like he WAS trees, speaking trees, I know that sounds insane. V saw him, she saw. She said it was him. He lunged? Tried to attack, I think, everything was so fast, and he collapsed. One minute, man-tox-tree-thing, next, a pile of dirt, grass, rot. Like the forest just grew over him, absorbed him, bam, the end.

I keep thinking, what’s the tox doing? But diseases don't DO things. I mean, they do things, but I got an A in bio, diseases are – they procreate, spread themselves, and symptoms are side effects + ways to spread themselves. Right? But this feels different. Like with the meat: not contaminated, but IN. I guess that's kind of like cancer. And maybe other genetic diseases? Whatever. But V's arm – it hurts her, she can't use a rifle, but her arm is so strong. I watch her clear bush like Rambo (never saw Rambo ha but you know what I mean) and she looks like she's not even trying. And I can BREATHE WATER so that's cool A+ love it. Not sure what my point is. The tox is changing us? duh. But why? Why does it feel – creative? Weird word but I can't think of a better one.

I have this big callus on my middle finger from holding pens, all this writing. Ew.


Entry 7

2♥️On the far side of the island, you find an abandoned building that looks like an old military base. In it are empty cots, a few spare medical supplies that were left behind, and the medical chart of your missing friend. There's blood on the wall, and on the floor, and you follow it to the back door. Out on the lawn is a body, staring blankly into the sky. She doesn't respond to anything you do or say, but she's alive. She's alive.

6♠️Your teeth fall out and sharp new teeth grow in. A burning hunger fills you up. What do you want more than anything in the world? What are you willing to do to get it?

ZOE ZOE ZOE

Wrote that ↑ yesterday evening, late, midnight? V and Z sleeping. I think Z is sleeping. Keeping watch, writing, will try to keep this chronological.

Last entry a week ago? Not sure. Been so busy. V + I finally made the call. Took gear, guns, ammo, knives, stole food. Sorry everyone else. I'm shit but also we needed it. Didn't take too much. Decided to hunt & eat if it comes to that. Hasn't yet.

Flagged our exit mark 2 with my old red shirt when we left. Too worn to be warm. Hopefully girls will see it and patch the damn fence. Hope they're all okay.

We had a good feel for the area near school. Nothing there. So we just kept going, trying to head to far side of island. Talked about a lot before leaving, thinking: groundskeeper's was bust, drop-off point too obvious, so head to far side + if we didn't find anything on the way there then maybe I go by water, look for beaches/paths.

Guess we lucked out. Yesterday, found a break in the woods and then this military base. Small complex, 2 buildings, residential (canteen, cots, showers, etc) and medical building. Both ransacked, mostly empty, no idea when military left, not sure how to tell. Found a few supplies in residential, rations, spare bedding.

FOUND Z

Not in medical. Medical was a mess. Cots + tables upturned, blood, no bodies. Found a medical chart. Zoe's. Crying again sorry, ignore teardrops, hope they don't ruin paper. Followed bloodstains, back door, nothing, heartbroken, then went out into yard and found her, Z. Afraid she was dead, on her back, staring up at the sky but I DIDN'T let her be dead, I know that's not how death works, I couldn't LET her be dead, so I touched her and she was WARM, breathing. Alive.

Being here is probably stupid but we didn't know where else to go. Camped up in residential building. Not medical, that probably would be easier but the blood was bad, too much. Went through both buildings, found liquid foods. Don't know how to use IV, why did I not volunteer for hospital duty, stupid, but we've been sort of dribbling stuff into her mouth? Water, too. No movement, but blinks sometimes.

V exhausted. Told her take first sleep. Me next. We can't stay here, but need Z awake before we go anywhere. Getting her into the cot was hard. Couldn't have done it without V.

Later, same day. Got a few hours of sleep. V "cooking" breakfast. Canned ravioli. Liquid thing for Z. Calories is calories. V and I talked. Hard to do b/c my teeth are falling out, timing sucks. (Teeth falling out, new teeth pushing in, think they're pointed, and I'm all: timing sucks!! like that's it, just a bummer. Life is so so SO weird.) Trying to figure out what to do. V says, we need time, time for my teeth, time to see if Z will wake, time to rest + eat. Agree. I say, staying here is too obvious + also blood in other wing?? V says, where else? No other option, really. Decided together, two more days, and if she doesn't wake up, or if we see a sign of anyone coming, we're leaving. To go where? How? Don’t know.

I should be more scared. I'm not. V (she just looked at me, creepy psychic) bent over camp stove. Smell of tomato sauce. Z breathing softly. Love them love them. I KNEW Z was out there, but I didn't, and now I do. Don't know how but I know we can do this.


Entry 8

5♦️Classes at the school ended a long time ago. Do you miss them? In what ways has the school changed? In what ways has it stayed the same? In what way are you changed, irrevocably, that has nothing to do with the tox?

2♠️Your hair develops a soft glow, beautiful to look at. It's one of the only mutations anyone has seen that isn't horrific. Does it make you feel special? [Note: Also rewriting this one to declutter protagonist’s rapid mutations.]

8♦️You and your best friend stay up one night, laying side by side in the same bed, talking softly. What do you talk about? Do you dare touch her softly? Do you kiss her in the dark?

No news = good news. No military, no animals, no one searching for us as far as we can tell. Still at the abandoned base. No change in Z, good or bad. Blinks. Bathroom (gross but forgive you Z). We move her sometimes, V said her grandma had bedsores in nursing home, they were awful, so we’re careful. Eats/drinks. Sleeps? Get better Z. Please.

Eating, cans first, anything heavy/hard to transport. Haven't been this full in a long time. Resting. Teeth mostly better, molars coming in more slowly than the rest. All sharp, pointed. Kind of cool? Absolute freakshow material obviously, hurt SO much, but. Also kind of cool.

V and I. Talking. Still rotating watches, she's asleep right now, but right next to me, my chair by her cot. I'll write what we talked about.

ha ha just spent ten minutes not writing, trying to figure out how. Guess I'm embarrassed, I don't know. Okay.

Sometimes I think about how when my gills showed up I was like, this is it, it finally came for me, now I'll be sick + gross fish monster, but V was, can I see, can I touch them? and she wasn't disgusted. Was like, that must hurt, I'm sorry, but not ew gross or anything.

So I asked V, this is weird but can we do that, can we just look at it, mine, hers. b/c I never did that for her arm or her eye. I was curious but didn't want to make her feel like a freak. But that's shitty, that's ignoring, and you can't ignore someone's face or body, it's like not talking.

So V said yes. Z was still there, sleeping? (Z if you're reading this I hope you don't remember/aren't grossed out, sorry.) I don't like to leave her. But on other cot, the other side of the room. V, facing me. Started slow, clothes on, just looking, seeing, touching, her arm. Strong, rough skin, like bark. But mine are spine + rib (+ teeth now ha), so that made it easier? to take off clothes. V, thighs, butt, I didn't know. Not like her arm but these huge scars, cuts, kind of? like skin opening up but no blood, pink + red. Said they hurt but not too much. She never told me. That made me feel like shit. But she showed me + I touched them + felt

It IS gross, the scar things. And her arm is weird but super strong, and skin around her shoulder is stretched, stretch marks, pale, arm must be heavy. And her eye is like a flower, all red, I'd never really really LOOKED before. V deserved better. Gross but that's okay. Me, too. Gills + spine, fish girl ha ha. Gross is okay. I wish we'd done this a long time ago. I kind of pet her, careful, soft. I wanted to. I said, want to kiss you, she said, okay, I said, I'm afraid I'll cut you, don't want to hurt you, she said, I trust you.

I don't know what we do next. Z will wake up, I have to believe that. Then what? Go back to school, say sorry we stole supplies, mind if we stay here? Yeah right. Military has cleared out, right, that's what this place being empty means? So fuck them they’re no help. Or go off island, maybe by boat? What boat?? Swim?? I'm still learning + I'm the only one w/ gills. What about V + Z??

Can't go back, don't know how to go forward. Scares me to think about it. But then I see Z over there → and V right here ← and I feel ... hope. Happiness? Stupid but yeah.


Entry 9

J♦️Note: Discarded for chronology, redraw.

10♥️You overhear a radio conversation between a teacher and the military about what must happen if they can't create an antidote. You must not be allowed to infect the rest of the world. The teacher tiredly agrees. If no antidote can be created, the island must be destroyed. How does that make you feel? Are you willing to be destroyed to save humanity?

10 ♠️Note: Discarded for chronology, redraw.

4 ♥️The military provides more than food. There's new sheets and blankets, just in time for the cold winter months. There's not enough for everyone, but you manage to grab one for you and your best friend to share. Do you offer her the blanket or do you offer to share your bed? Does she accept?

Weather turning hard + fast. Early winter or I've just lost track of time. We're still at the military base. Turned the whole place over and moved everything even a little useful into our room. With the door closed, three bodies almost keep it warm.

Piled blankets on Z. I want to write, she looks better!! I'm not sure if that's true. She's not worse. Still eating, bedpan, still alive, so that's something. I didn't write about it before, but Z looks basically normal. Looked her over when I changed her clothes/"sponge bath" (trying to save water, so not much of a bath). The spots on her chest + shoulders that got her sent to hospital wing in the first place are like scars now, bigger than chicken pox, but similar. Nothing else. So much for identical, I'm fish girl now but she's still pretty much just Zoe except skinny.

Told V, she doesn't look sick, not the same way we are. V said, maybe military healed her. I said, fat chance, and if so why didn't they heal all the other girls? That was yesterday, morning.

We should have packed up days ago. But no one/nothing coming, and it's so cold. V and I haven't really talked about it. Kind of giving up on watches, too, stupid, but I'm a light sleeper and V is, too. We've all basically become survivor ninjas, rifles + knives + go bags, always ready to run, fight.

Just want to rest, eat, wait for Z. Grow fur coat maybe, I don't know, how else will we get through this winter?

V + I've been sharing bed. For warmth. Also other things.

We were "other things" yesterday, after lunch, then radio on desk in room suddenly BZZZT, static + voices, so loud, V jumped up naked, grabbed pistol, I'm laughing now (V looking at me, asking what's so funny, so I waved fingergun around in the air and she laughed, too) but we thought the military was HERE, come to kill us, rescue us, who knows. Just the radio, though. Got V a blanket and she turned knobs, got volume under control, found frequency. We missed some of it, but heard last bit, Mrs. W saying "if it comes to that, yes," then the other voice, military, asking her to confirm, then radio silence. V switched channels, but couldn't find another signal.

I think they were talking about killing us. The island, us, everything. Just like they told Mom and Dad, but for real. V and I talked for ages, trying to remember what we heard through static + adrenaline. Something like, they failed to develop a cure, they're out of options.

It has something to do with Z and this base. That wasn't on radio, I just know. Military base, hospital building, Z being here, Z looking mostly normal, no tox, no symptoms, no mutations, like she never got infected ... except coma. Is it coma? Sleeping Beauty. Wake up Z please wake up.

I could be wrong. My brain is all over, trying to put all the pieces together and also just ...

I’m still scared. Z, food, winter, military bombing the whole island apparently thanks guys, thanks for nothing.

But I feel

look Z if you're reading this, a) super glad you're awake, hope I'm not dead!, b) skip the next bit, don't want you thinking I'm gross or something

The things on V's leg and butt. They're kind of like her you know, her (OMG I'm being so dumb) vagina, vulva, blah there you go. Not in a weird way, well, weird, but not like she's growing bonus vag but

it's so much easier when we're just doing stuff. When I'm just touching her. Writing about it is weird. But I can touch inside them, the cut things, and I can feel her, and V likes it, and I feel like I'm showing her + me that it's okay.

We do normal sex stuff too!! It's not all freaky. Just normal freaky haha. Anyway. Was trying to say: shit sucks. And I almost don't care, b/c I've got V + I've got Z + I've got blankets + there doesn't seem to be a whole lot more I can do.


Entry 10

7♥️You find a bottle of pills hidden in the bottom of a box of supplies. The label says they're experimental, designed for the Tox. Do you keep them secret? Do you take one of the pills?

V says I should be swimming more. Practice. It's still dangerous to leave the building (probably still dangerous IN the building, but feels safer, warmer) but not far from here to the shore + no teachers/other girls to spot me. She's right but I keep not going. Afraid, probably. Not afraid to swim, but afraid to leave them. Z's still not awake. Still breathing. V takes care of her, washes her, moves her.

V + Z never really got on before. Hell, me + Z never really got on, ha. Z is great, just a lot, plenty of friends, always moving, always doing. Mom + Dad did a good job giving us separate lives I guess but I think I still grew up in her shadow. No one's fault, she's just BIG, so big, personality, energy, love, whatever. Don't blame V for not liking her much, V isn’t loud like that.

Not a lot to like/dislike right now. Z is just ... there. But it's nice, V taking care of her. Doing it for me? Doing it because it's the right

Writing later, evening. V asked help unpacking crates, trying to find more supplies, anything. Not low on supplies yet but if we stay through winter we'll need more. Went through one from medical wing, distilled water, medical supplies, ibuprofen (should save but GOD I've missed painkillers even just for headaches). Also blister pack of pills, package marked "Experimental" + instructions. Says they're for the tox, halt + reverse effects.

Obviously they don't work. Military said on radio, no cure. Right?

Maybe they're lying. Maybe they just gave up. Maybe ... I don't know. Making a tox bioweapon like in Resident Evil? Ha, stupid, but I wouldn't be surprised.

Showed V + we poured over the instructions. One dose per day, take for a week, list of side effects was all in medicalese but looked bad. Packet has enough for one course for one person. Of course. Long argument with V. First fight as girlfriends (?) and no answer. She wants me to take it, I think that's stupid, the tox being good to me, I know that's crazy, but my gills are useful – hurts but who cares. I don't know who should take it. No one? Z? Could wake her up maybe. V? She's okay right now, but tox can get nasty fast, super powers then bam, crazy, dying, whatever.

Didn't like fighting. She didn't like it either. Felt like shit, both of us, cried after, kissed. Doesn't solve anything but it made me feel better.

Later. Same night. Tried to sleep but couldn't, restless.

Thinking about Mom + Dad. Want to tell them I found Z. I almost don't care about the rest, telling them about the tox, about everything, even V. V + me feels private, just for us. But I want Mom + Dad to know – I don't know. They love Z. I'm not jealous. I know that's what it sounds like, but I'm not. I love her too. I didn't know until she disappeared. Like, I loved her, obviously, but not the same. I didn't KNOW, I didn't understand. I don't know what I'm trying to say. Just that me, too, and they should know that.

V says come back to bed.


Entry 11

7♣️You go into the wilds and barely have time to hide when you hear an animal approaching. You press yourself into a hole of earth and leaves and hold your breath as it passes by, your heart beating like a frantic bird within the cage of your chest.

9♠️Your skin breaks open into sores, exposing flesh and bone. There seems to be no reason for it, nothing about this mutation that could possibly make you stronger. Do you feel betrayed?

4♣️You venture into the woods. You used to know all the paths here, but they're gone now, swallowed by the plant growth. You think you know your way, but nothing looks familiar, and you get hopelessly lost. Does it feel like the forest is against you? Does it feel like the trees are mocking you?

Been trying to take V's advice, practice swimming. I wish I knew what day it was. Feels like November, but it can't be. October at most. Still so cold, but no snow yet. Woods in autumn are beautiful, gold & red, but also kind of mean. Violent. Has been since the tox but now, especially. Everything hoarding for winter, everything fruits and harvest and gather and dying. Jealous and hungry. Feels like us, me + V. Can't explain that, the way that V's eye = the beauty berries, her arm = the tox animals strong and wild. But it's true. Sometimes I think

sorry Z

Sometimes I think if Z were awake or dead we could just go out there. I know that's bull. The falling leaves have made the forest darker, not lighter, hiding the paths, biting (? I swear, shredded my best pair of jeans) and yesterday on my way to the beach I had to hide, there was something, I think a deer but not like the one that got Becca, this thing was sticks and bones, like deadfall, but moving, alive. Like a scarecrow. Twigs branches teeth. It didn't see me. Didn't make it to the shore, just turned around, came back, hid in room w/ V + Z.

So, no living in the woods. Obviously. But sometimes, in bed with V, I get this urge like, let's just go, leave Z, go out there, live in a cave. Eat bite fight, just us. She could. V could punch a bear. She's so strong.

If all that's true then why do I keep not going swimming? B/c I don't want to leave them. Don't want a way out if it's not w/ them.

Also saltwater hurts the sores on my back. V says they're worse, red + raw + deep. So stupid. For a while I was almost cool with it, fish girl, sexy teeth, whatever, and then this, which just hurts, hurts when I try to do the fish girl thing or when V touches them or when I lie down or basically anything. Made V bring up the pills again, too, which made me mad. I won't take them. No escape if not w/ them.


Entry 12

K♣️While you're out in the woods, you hear the breathing of a huge, heavy creature. You hide, but it catches your scent, and charges you. You run as fast as you can, barrelling through trees that lash at your arms and face, drawing blood. Your chest is burning when you finally stop running.

7♦️Note: redraw for chronology.

A♦️You and your best friend find an old broken boat while sneaking through the woods. You think maybe you can repair it, with enough time and some luck.

WE FOUND A BOAT

Chronological order okay:

Another trip to coast for swimming. Went with V this time, we left Z, stupid I know but no one, nothing, has come into base in weeks (? has it been weeks?) + taking her with isn't possible + we thought maybe try hunting too. Maybe we just wanted fresh air together, not babysitting Z. Z still coma/sleep, not worse, not better, just same.

We should give her pills. This is stupid.

So we went to the beach, walked coast, talking, careful but it was nice to be outside, no walls and beach feels safer – slippery rocks, cliffs, waves, SO COLD, but harder for things to sneak up on us, no trees. Maybe I just like water now haha stranger things have happened.

Then V spotted BOAT, overturned by big rocks. I don't know anything about boats or engines except what I learned helping run the school generator. It's small, 8 feet long? with motor, no oars. Fishing boat? Military, maybe groundskeeper, don't know, don't care. We tried starting the engine, no luck. Could be no gas, could be broken, my guess is both. There's gas here at the base (almost used it to run base generator, so glad we didn't!!) We didn't try to hide it, it's not like anyone is on this side of the island except us, but we decided to come back later, with gear, plan, supplies.

On the way back, heard rustling. Stopped, hid. Big, heavy, slow breathing. Nothing showed. Just breathing. V shot blind, trying to scare it off. More rustling noises, waited for almost 15 minutes before we moved.

It was still there. No idea what animal, it felt like if a bear and a tree had a baby, we didn't stop to look. Ran into woods, trees attacking ankles, faces, tore up V's cheek pretty bad, her good eye is all swollen now. Got to base, locked doors, pushed tables, chairs, dresser, anything we could, against the door.

Hid for a long time, waiting. Nothing. Weird smell, like rotting plants. V wondered if it was on our clothes or maybe just room smells musty. Could be. Or it could have followed us, still outside.

V took first watch. Thought I couldn't sleep but then I passed out, exhausted. Woke up a few hours later, switched. V asked me to hold her hand. I don't want to write it, it's so corny. I held her hand. I love her so much. I love her cold compresses for her cheek and I love her weird tox hand and I love her taking care of Z and I love her all over, I love her. Anyway. I held her hand.

I'm really scared of whatever that was that was following us. If it breaks through the door - what can we do? We can shoot, but we can't run, can't leave Z. We'll have to go out tomorrow. We HAVE to go back to the boat. We have to fix it, we have to get the fuck out of here.


Entry 13

6♦️Your best friend confesses that she has feelings for you. Do you feel the same? Do you kiss her? Does she touch you in a way that makes you feel like less of a monster? How far do you go?

7♦️You notice the other girls staring at you and whispering behind your back. What do you think they're saying? What do you fear they're saying?

Made trip out to beach, V + me both again. I don't think we made any progress on the engine. It is the engine, not just fuel - gave it a shot from a gas can, no luck. V said, maybe just need a new fuel line? Worth trying. We left supplies there in a crate covered by the biggest rock V could lift, so hopefully whatever's out there doesn't find it.

We'll work on the boat EVERY DAY until it works. Until we get out of here. We can't stay at the base forever, not if that thing is coming for us.

Oh yeah I was going to talk to V about giving Z pills. Will do that over dinner.

Later, same day. Talked with V. I think she still wants me to take them. But she says okay. Also says we should probably be here to watch Z after she takes them, in case she reacts badly. Smart. I hadn't thought of that.

Canned green beans for dinner, soggy, gross, not enough, but calories is calories. We gave Z the first dose because no time like the present, right? And then we sat up, talking, watching her for any change, bad or good.

Talked a little about school, before-tox, after-tox. It feels like a million billion years ago, classes, dorm mates, homework, sports, whatever. V said she liked rooming with me. I said I used to feel bad for her, getting stuck with me, lame twin. She said she was lame too, other girls used to call her lesbo b/c she had a thing with her best friend freshman year. I said I didn't know about that, and she said she thought I knew, everyone did, and then started crying.

And I said: I love you. She got all quiet, like I'd surprised her, but mostly I was just thinking, fucking hell Marilyn it's been weeks and you keep writing it but you never actually TOLD her. So I told her that, basically: I've known for a long time, I'm just an idiot, lame, remember? And she laughed and cried again but it was happy crying.

We set up a curtain by Z's cot a while ago which is good b/c privacy. Might be a lesbo (don't think so? think I'm probably bi but honestly who cares) and a fish girl freak but I'm not a total pervert. I just hope Z can't hear anything. Awkward haha.


Entry 14

J♠️The tox takes over your body, plunging your nervous system into a world of lightning-hot pain and shivering convulsions. It blocks out your vision and fills your ears with the ringing of your own screams. You lose all track of time.

3♥️Redraw for chronology.

3♠️Your skin cracks open, and flowers and vines curl out of them. They reach deep down into the core of you, and you can't pull or cut them out without excruciating pain. How does it feel to know the wilds are trying to consume you from the inside out?

V says it's been four days. She's been going to boat when she can, but no real progress. Supplies there, untouched; boat can't really get WORSE, but no easy fixes either.

I've been super sick. Like when fish stuff started, maybe worse, I don't know, I've been in and out, fever, can't think. I think V is kicking herself for letting me give Z the pills. She's been taking care of me + Z, even though her cheek is still swollen, can barely see.

Don't feel like writing. Can't. Page blurry, tired. Hope V keeps going to boat, doesn't give up.

Next day? Can't tell, slept but don't know how long. V gone, probably at boat. Z still asleep. I can hear her breathing. What happens if

No I won't go there. She'll wake up. We'll figure it out. I'll write more later.


Entry 15

6♣️Last year, you carved your initials and the initials of a friend into a tree just outside the schoolyard fence. You can see it now, bleeding dark brown sap. Something about the tree frightens you now. Do you feel its pain? Can you see it from your dorm window? Could you swear it's drawing a little closer each night?

9♦️Your best friend gets sick, laid up in bed with a fever and shakes. You try to get enough food for the both of you, but resources are scarce. How much do you give her and how much do you keep for yourself? Do you resent her weakness?

V's turn to be sick. I'm not even sure that I'm better, I just know she's worse, needs me to take care of her. I feel like an asshole, telling her cuts were beautiful, eye was beautiful, arm so strong and weird and perfect, and now –

She's still V. She's still my girlfriend. And her face and her back and her neck and everything is fucked up. We thought it was infection from her cheek at first, maybe it is, maybe tox got into her that way I don’t know.

It IS in her. It's in all of us, V and me and all the girls, everyone but Z. Fuck you Z. Sorry. Should have saved the pills, given them to V instead. Stupid STUPID.

Haven't been to boat. Lied to V, told her I tried. Didn't. I couldn't leave her.

Same day, evening. Spent a while helping V eat, cleaning her. Told her stories, not sure if she could hear me. She looked better, maybe.

She said something like "what are the other girls doing?" Like we were still at the school. Lied again, told her everyone was in the other room. I want to say, I wish we hadn't left school. But what would they do? Water, blankets, mushed-up food. I gave V antibiotics and ibuprofen from medical supplies. School wouldn't have any better.

I'll work on the boat when V's fever breaks. Promise.


Entry 16

10♠️You watch a girl drop to the floor in pain, her body stretching and contorting as the Tox attempts to mutate her. You watch her choke and die, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Did you know her? How does it make you feel? Instead of discarding this card, shuffle it back into the deck.

10♣️You're on guard duty tonight, stationed on top of the school with a rifle, with nothing to do but stare out at the trees pressing in on you. They've grown unnaturally large and wild since the Tox came. Does it feel like they're watching you? Does it feel like they're trying to get in?

K♦️You overhear a radio conversation between one of the teachers and the military. You only catch part of the conversation, but things sound bad. Really bad. You hear the teacher say she will take care of her students no matter what. Their suffering will be over soon.

V a little better. Forced myself to leave her + Z, try to work on boat. No progress. I don't know shit about boats. Engines. Who are we kidding.

You know what I think? I think it doesn't matter. I thought finding Z would fix things + I thought my gills would be an escape + I thought V and I could just run into the woods. Used to think the military would help us and look how that worked out.

I think Z is already cured. Last day of her pills today, but she was already cured. Immune, maybe. Either the tox gets in you and it is you, changing you, making you sick and weird and dying, or it doesn't get in and nothing gets in and you're nothing. I think she's dead. I think she's basically dead and that's why she's not awake. No tox, but no Z either.

Back at the school I was there when Robin died. She was younger, 13, 14? The first I saw. I think I wrote about it but I can’t make myself go back. Hurts. She got sick, fever, then skin things, growing out of her, black, wet. She couldn't do it, couldn't become, so she died. She was still just a kid.

When V got sick I thought, NOT LIKE THIS. Maybe I’m awful. Maybe it's easier when your body just can't – but she SHOULDN’T go like this. Attack would be better. Exploding w/ tox would be better. Just not sick, fever, like Robin. Too sad.

She's sleeping. Looks like shit but she's alive. She should die alive, I KNOW that doesn't make sense, but she shouldn't just get sick and fade and go. Like Robin. Like Z.

I don't think we'll make it. The island feels strange, feels worse somehow, cold + sharp + hungry. Used to hear gunshots sometimes, across the island, girls protecting the schoolyard, keeping the perimeter. Haven't heard one in days, weeks? And military could blow us all up any second.

And I don't know how to fix boat.

But I want V to get better. I don't know why. Not to live. Just to be alive.

Kissing you, touching cuts, I told the truth V they are beautiful.


Entry 17

8♠️You start growing scales and your blood turns cold. You can't stop shivering. What do you do to try to keep warm? Does your best friend hold you tight?

2♦️You and your best friend make a blood pact to look out for each other no matter what. Do you mean it? What are you willing to sacrifice to keep her safe? Do you believe her when she says she'll do anything for you?

V awake. Fever seems better, hard to tell, I'm cold all the time, not shivery, just COLD like ... fish girl things? Probably. V says, scales on my back where sores were. Says I should try to swim, see how they feel. V talking is good! She's still weak but better, she's V, sounds like V acts like V.

We had a long talk. Should write about what we said but don't feel like it. I feel kind of ... blank. Just want to sit with V. Know what I miss? TV. Just looking at something fake and stupid, not thinking.

Went out to boat. No progress, no surprise.

Later, same day. V well enough to cook, felt better watching her + staring at camp stove, at V. V-TV haha. Ate, sat together, then V bed, me first watch. Rest well V.

Here's what we talked about.

Told V what I wrote here, last entry. Messy, hard to get out, but she was patient, good listener. V asked, did Z finish pills. Told her yes, a few days ago (three?), when V was really sick. We both kind of sat there, knowing. I cried. V didn't. V said, I never told you back, did I? V said, I love you, too. I said I know. Cried blah blah blah, lots of feelings.

When we had calmed down, V said (sounded hesitant like she was afraid I was going to freak out, and I did freak out a little bit, but not like mad, like sad, scared), V said she thinks I'm right about Z. Said she's glad we didn't take pills if that's what "cured" looks like. Said it sucks a lot, tox, but she got to love me b/c tox so there's that. Told me a little about school crushes, about freshman year. Boarding school things, everyone locked in together, always drama, always best friends/love you forever but then next term new dorm mates and ... whatever. Said, no more new terms. Made me laugh, I said: yeah, just winter break now, and V said, yeah and the rest of our lives.

Talked about boat a little. Argued a little, V mad I didn't work on it, said I tried, but she's right, could have tried harder. But I couldn't leave her. V said, that's okay.

V said

fuck this is hard to write. V said, we should sleep on it, but we should think about leaving Z. To do what? Does it matter? Work on boat? Go out there (out where? the woods? the beach?) + try to get picked up by the military? Go back to school, see if anyone is still alive? I don't know + I don't think V did either. I don't think it matters. I think maybe none of those things. I think maybe just be together, just us, until the end. Whatever end. Doesn't sound so bad.

V's asleep. Watching her, can't believe I get to watch her sleep. So stupid to feel lucky but I do.

I'm sorry Z.


Entry 18

10♠️You watch a girl drop to the floor in pain, her body stretching and contorting as the tox attempts to mutate her. You watch her choke and die, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Did you know her? How does it make you feel?

K♠️You've been weeping black blood from one of your eyes. This morning, when you wake up, it's fused shut and you can't get it back open. Do not discard this card. Set it aside where you can see it. If this is the fourth King you've drawn, you can feel something squirming beneath your eyelid. A panic overwhelms you, and you try to claw the thing out of your head. You draw blood and viscera but you can't stop. Once the other girls find you, you're already dead. The game is over.

When Z got sick all I could see was every girl who died. God it feels like ages ago. Death is different for everyone I guess. Younger girls sometimes go fast, like Robin, like they just can't, can't do it, the tox gets in and their bodies give up. Teachers get sick slow, different, like cancer (never knew anyone with cancer but I've seen movies), the tox is inside them, not visible, not like us, not monsters, just slow, creeping, eating them away.

And some it's attacks. Tox animals, trees sometimes I think but who knows. Tox girls.

And some, older girls, it's like V, it's like me, the tox gets in and makes them more. Changes them, takes pieces and gives pieces and makes new. Like my gills, like V's arm. V's growing fur where she had her blisters, face shoulders chest. I think I made a joke about growing fur coats a few weeks ago? Paged back, yeah I did. Not so funny now but it will help. She's warm to my cold, she's fur to my scales, what a weird pair. The tox does that, changes us, makes us stronger, but it never asks, can you do this? Is this a good time to grow some FUCKING SCALES or are you tired hungry sick? Never asks. Some girls would get so strong, remember Nadia, like a werewolf, her legs all bent and strong and she could hike forever, best supply runner, and then tox tried to give her bone jaw thing and she couldn't and she died.

Z it was just spots + fever, almost nothing, no changes, like a normal flu but all I could see was all the other girls. All the girls. Saw my sister dying. Fast, slow, hard, easy, doesn't matter. All end the same.

She didn't. Just stayed spots + fever for a week and then they took her to hospital wing and said, no visitors. Then disappeared. Military took her. Wonder what they did. Wonder when she fell asleep. Wonder when they knew there's no cure. No real cure. Just whatever Z is: no tox, no nothing, just a perfect body. Skinny but human. Human but basically dead.

Fuck, crying, hand hurts. Rest.

Back, same day, little while later.

V and I leaving tomorrow, first light. Packed bags, eating huge meals all day. No need to ration now. Eat everything we can't carry. Carry what we can. We had a long talk: do we go to boat, camp there, try to fix it, or just say fuck it, fuck everything. Probably should go to boat. Neither of us wants to, so plan fuck it all is a go.

Leaving Z. Leaving this journal. Mostly full anyway, but that's not why. Why is

We know military could bomb us any day. We know we could get sick again and tox could kill us. We could kill each other if one of us goes weird with tox. Tox animals, not enough food, no plan, we know. Don't care.

Should probably do goodbyes here. I won't. Probably no one will read this anyway but that's not why. Not goodbye, not sorry. I just

Asked V, what am I supposed to say? She said, does it matter? I said, been keeping a journal on and off since I was 12 (? can't remember when Mom gave me the first diary). She said, then it matters. She said, so, what matters? I said –

I said, you. I said, being alive. I said, I want to swim, just to swim, not to leave, to swim. Said I want to walk with you on the beach, stretch of shore near north of boat where there's fewer rocks, sandier. Said – started to say what I wrote above, about how I think probably everything is over soon, and V said shut up Marilyn I just want to go for a fucking walk with you okay?

Laughing and crying. I just want to go for a fucking walk okay?

Alive. Alive while we're alive. Going for a walk tomorrow.

⁂

Totals:
The Wretched and Alone system uses decreasing Ace tokens as a win condition and four Kings and jenga (or jenga replacement) as lose conditions. I had...
A♦️ (boat) 6/6 tokens remaining
A♠️ (gills) 4/6 tokens remaining
(the Ace rolls were really not on my side)
Kings in order: ♥️♣️♦️♠️
Tower: 13 remaining (with potential critical failures beginning at 12)
11 cards remaining in deck

Instructions say to roll 1d6 card draws per entry; at least for this game, that's way too many; some prompts can potentially conflict but mostly the prompts are incredibly substantial, and 6 per entry is cluttered. After one 6-prompter, I decided to cap at 3. (I did this by just rerolling until I got 1-3, but it would probably be smarter to do 1-2 = 1, 3-4 = 2, 5-6).

Instructions provide a countdown + dice replacement for the jenga tower, which I really appreciate. But I suspect capping prompts per day unbalances the tower decay; I didn't even reach the danger zone. That said, W&A biases heavily towards failure; nerfing one failure condition doesn't matter too much. The countdown element was still effective mental pressure.

The incredibly detailed prompts required liberal fudging, primarily adapting them to suit the timeline since I let M leave campus permanently. I redrew a couple, turned some into flashbacks, and sometimes just pared away the specifics (especially re: ♠️/tox, which I drew a LOT) to focus on vibes, ex. nix the beautiful glowing hair; what if preexisting mutations could just be viewed as beautiful?

And that fudging was well worth it for:

What phenomenal prompts, jaw-dropping prompts, exactly-what-I-wanted-from-the-source-material prompts. I thought Wilder Girls was an interesting premise but too YA in execution for my tastes, which means "that's now how proper nouns work :(" and first person present tense and painting itself into a corner in plot at the expense of what I cared about, which is falling in love with girls because their bodies are beautiful and terrifying. (My review of the book is over here.) These prompts picked up on everything I wanted and pushed & pushed & pushed them further. The concept of interactive fanfiction, fanfic C(raft)YOA, is brilliant. I feel like my version of the same story tried to paint itself into the same corners, but the W&A format's emphasis on the emotional/narrative value of failure lets Bloom turn from plot and the compulsion to provide specific answers and specific endings, and linger instead on the themes I care about. And I care so much. I got caught up, played longer, wrote more, cried while reading & editing, and came away with the sort of media hangover that made it hard to pick up another solo RPG because I was still thinking of this one. Simply incredible.

On the flipside, the detailed prompts limit the replay value. (I'm sure it could be done; but these beats now feel so specific to my girls & their story.) Further, Bloom appears to cleave faithfully to the W&A system, and that system was really effective here but I imagine it could get repetitive, especially the bias towards luck-based failure; I have a few other games in this system in my queue, but plan to space them out. [ETA: Actually, I've been reading the W&A system reference document for Reasons, and Bloom does shift some things around! Namely, increasing the possible number of win conditions, which increases the win rate from "absolutely not" to "still no, but..." M's story was heavily impacted by multiple unmeetable win conditions; it does hammer home that this game system isn't only about failure but about the impossibility of success. Interesting! Now I want to play a different W&A game and see how these tweaks change things.]