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Answer to the ask questions meme, on all sorts of topics.
Answers to the ask questions meme; feel free to ask more.
Do you and your boy discuss marriage on any level and what are your feelings on it?
Yes. We figured out a long time ago that we would get married some day—but that day may be a while off. We want to wait until are financially secure, rather than partially dependent on our families. In the meantime, marriage is my fantasy. I view it as security and safety, no doubt idealized but still a lovely thought. I also look forward to my wedding, which I intend to be largely unconventional—and where it breaks convention, I consider it beautiful and wonderful, so of course I look forward to it. In the meantime, knowing we both feel happy and secure enough that we plan to get married is (almost) enough for me. There's security and contentment in that knowledge.
I know you're an open person but what is the religious faith you find yourself shying away from? For example do you get a negative reaction (no matter how mild) if someone proclaims themselves of one faith or another?
I'm wary of Christianity—in part for the tenants of the faith itself, but primary for some of the people who practice it. Ironically, Judaism doesn't scare me near as much. Both are monotheistic, and the concept of one god alone, above and denying all others, is an intentionally limiting world view—as such, it invites trouble and disagreement, because when only one option is right then all the others must be wrong. Both are also based on the concept of one people chosen by God, but Christianity frightens me most because they view their "chosen by God" as "saved by Christ" which implies that all non-believers are not chosen and, worse, condemned. Not only is there a divide due to the one right god, but those who chose the wrong god are a lesser group, to be pitied or feared or hated or saved, condemned by God to suffer eternal punishment.
That doesn't scare me because I think I'm damned, but rather because there are others who believe that people like me are damned. They feel justified in violence, or hatred, or condemnation, or pity on the basis of one's person, faith, and lifestyle. Not every Christian is a hateful conservative, but extremists in almost any category and in particular in religion are frightening. And, as a monolithic power and the predominant religion in the United States, Christian extremists/conservatives have the ability to judge me, can affect my daily life for the worse, and pose a real threat against my personal beliefs and liberties. Knowing that someone is Christian doesn't make me dislike them, but Christianity itself may make me wary.
At what point does a person's involvement in LJ become unhealthy?
In excess, like most things, I would think. Honestly, as far as online communities go, I think LJ is certainly healthier on average than, say, Second Life (for all that I love it). The fact that LJ is based in journal entries encourages longer and more personal communication which can operate at a slightly higher level—as email is to IM. Furthermore, communities and friends create for self-selecting social circles with clearer boundaries, which cuts down on drama (or at least makes joining in it optional). So while LJ can still suck away hours and hours of time, it's bit better than some alternatives.
Do you make the distinction between making love and say, er, fucking, in your sex life?
To an extent. All permutations of sex have a valid place, but my sexual encounters all have a similar vibe that runs the line between sex-for-pleasure and sex-for-love. It varies somewhere along that scale, I suppose, but I'm easily overcome by sensation and quickly lose the ability for rational action or assigning logical labels. It just is what it is.
Why did you do that modeling, and would you do it again?
I began taking pictures of myself because I was the only model that I had at my disposal. I continued taking pictures of myself because doing so made me feel beautiful. I have always been incredibly self-conscious and self-hating. I don't fit into modern Western expectations of female beauty (and don't want to). Taking pictures of myself was a way of seeing myself in a different light, and of seeing myself anew. Receiving feedback on those photos was a message that despite what I expected people to think of me, many of them embraced and admired my physical form. It was also a creative outlet. All in all—a very positive experience, and a way of creating beauty and acknowledging my own natural beauty. I would do it again, yes, but I still prefer only to model for my own camera, and I've for a while lacked much of the desire to take artistic photographs. I'm probably just out of practice, as the latter goes.
With your beliefs, are they more a constant presence of spirituality and faith, or is it something to be called upon through active concentration?
Different answers, in different parts. It depends upon how you define religious or spiritual beliefs. I've been grouping therianthropy in with totems and Celtic Reconstruction (a motley crew!) just for the sake of simplicity. But they're different things, at the root. I am always a cat—but as a factor of my person. I'm always a woman, but that isn't always relevant or at the forefront of my mind; likewise, I'm not always thinking cat-things, but my self as cat is always there. I don't even know if my therianthopy is part of my religion or spirituality—but it's "woo-woo" enough, I suppose, that I group it in there anyhow. As for the more strictly religious and spiritual: I am constantly at war between religious belief and my old habits of atheism, and I have a difficult time translating thought and theory into action and belief. I'm searching for the self-confidence to act out what I've studied, and for something to dedicate myself to—a spirit, a God, a role, either discovered as my "true place" or intentionally chosen—to give my faith grounding and purpose. As such, my faith is largely intellectual, something that I call upon or intentionally think about. It hasn't seeped into the marrow of my bones, it isn't constantly present. I wish it were.
How many IRL BFF's do you have?
One: the boy. My RL social life is extremely limited—even moreso than I'd like at this point, which is saying something considering how asocial I am. That aside, though, I do keep a lot of real life acquaintances at a certain distance. In online communication, I can escape whenever necessary; it's much harder to take a break from a real life engagement or conversation. Without an out, I panic—my agoraphobia, again, which applies to all sorts of inescapable situations. It's easier to see people infrequently and keep a certain distance from friends, so that I'm never put in a position where I can't stand up and leave. Ideally, I'd love to have close friendship where I could get up and disappear—even for twenty minutes of silence in a guest room, to give me a chance to breathe and recenter—without being considered "weird." But it's hard to find. The boy, on the other hand, is less likely to make me feel trapped than anyone I've ever met, and is more than used to my random bouts of crazy.
Do you consider electronic music (like, computer-arranged, no instruments used, except for maybe a midi-keyboard) less "real" compared to "organic" (playing actual instruments) music?
I consider it less listenable—which is hardly the only standard for "real" music, or else pop music would be king, but it certainly means something. I used to have a friend that composed electronic music via the computer—it was probably slightly more musical than what you describe, but it still was little more than tonal gibberish to me. I prefer my music a bit more traditional than that, with at least instruments or sampled instruments, and a melody rather than a jumble of sound. I don't begrudge each his own, however, as long as I'm not forced to hear it.
Did the major religions (Islam, Christianity, Hinduism) have had a positive or negative influence on the world today?
I honestly couldn't say. Would that everyone could embrace whatever it is that makes him his own best possible self, but it's rarely that simple. Religion is a reason and excuse for division, hate, and violence. I'm inclined to say that monotheistic religions are often the most harmful, because they deny the veracity of—and even declare war against—all other religions; polytheistic religions and cultures aren't all rainbows and butterflies, but they aren't based on the fundamental understanding that there is only one true path. But are those monotheistic religions negative on the whole? I don't know. We rarely talk about a quiet, all-accepting Christian or a peaceful Islamist because there isn't much to say and they don't really make the news. Hate and violence seem more common than I'm sure they are. But I don't know enough to make a declaration one way or the other.
Do you and your boy discuss marriage on any level and what are your feelings on it?
Yes. We figured out a long time ago that we would get married some day—but that day may be a while off. We want to wait until are financially secure, rather than partially dependent on our families. In the meantime, marriage is my fantasy. I view it as security and safety, no doubt idealized but still a lovely thought. I also look forward to my wedding, which I intend to be largely unconventional—and where it breaks convention, I consider it beautiful and wonderful, so of course I look forward to it. In the meantime, knowing we both feel happy and secure enough that we plan to get married is (almost) enough for me. There's security and contentment in that knowledge.
I know you're an open person but what is the religious faith you find yourself shying away from? For example do you get a negative reaction (no matter how mild) if someone proclaims themselves of one faith or another?
I'm wary of Christianity—in part for the tenants of the faith itself, but primary for some of the people who practice it. Ironically, Judaism doesn't scare me near as much. Both are monotheistic, and the concept of one god alone, above and denying all others, is an intentionally limiting world view—as such, it invites trouble and disagreement, because when only one option is right then all the others must be wrong. Both are also based on the concept of one people chosen by God, but Christianity frightens me most because they view their "chosen by God" as "saved by Christ" which implies that all non-believers are not chosen and, worse, condemned. Not only is there a divide due to the one right god, but those who chose the wrong god are a lesser group, to be pitied or feared or hated or saved, condemned by God to suffer eternal punishment.
That doesn't scare me because I think I'm damned, but rather because there are others who believe that people like me are damned. They feel justified in violence, or hatred, or condemnation, or pity on the basis of one's person, faith, and lifestyle. Not every Christian is a hateful conservative, but extremists in almost any category and in particular in religion are frightening. And, as a monolithic power and the predominant religion in the United States, Christian extremists/conservatives have the ability to judge me, can affect my daily life for the worse, and pose a real threat against my personal beliefs and liberties. Knowing that someone is Christian doesn't make me dislike them, but Christianity itself may make me wary.
At what point does a person's involvement in LJ become unhealthy?
In excess, like most things, I would think. Honestly, as far as online communities go, I think LJ is certainly healthier on average than, say, Second Life (for all that I love it). The fact that LJ is based in journal entries encourages longer and more personal communication which can operate at a slightly higher level—as email is to IM. Furthermore, communities and friends create for self-selecting social circles with clearer boundaries, which cuts down on drama (or at least makes joining in it optional). So while LJ can still suck away hours and hours of time, it's bit better than some alternatives.
Do you make the distinction between making love and say, er, fucking, in your sex life?
To an extent. All permutations of sex have a valid place, but my sexual encounters all have a similar vibe that runs the line between sex-for-pleasure and sex-for-love. It varies somewhere along that scale, I suppose, but I'm easily overcome by sensation and quickly lose the ability for rational action or assigning logical labels. It just is what it is.
Why did you do that modeling, and would you do it again?
I began taking pictures of myself because I was the only model that I had at my disposal. I continued taking pictures of myself because doing so made me feel beautiful. I have always been incredibly self-conscious and self-hating. I don't fit into modern Western expectations of female beauty (and don't want to). Taking pictures of myself was a way of seeing myself in a different light, and of seeing myself anew. Receiving feedback on those photos was a message that despite what I expected people to think of me, many of them embraced and admired my physical form. It was also a creative outlet. All in all—a very positive experience, and a way of creating beauty and acknowledging my own natural beauty. I would do it again, yes, but I still prefer only to model for my own camera, and I've for a while lacked much of the desire to take artistic photographs. I'm probably just out of practice, as the latter goes.
With your beliefs, are they more a constant presence of spirituality and faith, or is it something to be called upon through active concentration?
Different answers, in different parts. It depends upon how you define religious or spiritual beliefs. I've been grouping therianthropy in with totems and Celtic Reconstruction (a motley crew!) just for the sake of simplicity. But they're different things, at the root. I am always a cat—but as a factor of my person. I'm always a woman, but that isn't always relevant or at the forefront of my mind; likewise, I'm not always thinking cat-things, but my self as cat is always there. I don't even know if my therianthopy is part of my religion or spirituality—but it's "woo-woo" enough, I suppose, that I group it in there anyhow. As for the more strictly religious and spiritual: I am constantly at war between religious belief and my old habits of atheism, and I have a difficult time translating thought and theory into action and belief. I'm searching for the self-confidence to act out what I've studied, and for something to dedicate myself to—a spirit, a God, a role, either discovered as my "true place" or intentionally chosen—to give my faith grounding and purpose. As such, my faith is largely intellectual, something that I call upon or intentionally think about. It hasn't seeped into the marrow of my bones, it isn't constantly present. I wish it were.
How many IRL BFF's do you have?
One: the boy. My RL social life is extremely limited—even moreso than I'd like at this point, which is saying something considering how asocial I am. That aside, though, I do keep a lot of real life acquaintances at a certain distance. In online communication, I can escape whenever necessary; it's much harder to take a break from a real life engagement or conversation. Without an out, I panic—my agoraphobia, again, which applies to all sorts of inescapable situations. It's easier to see people infrequently and keep a certain distance from friends, so that I'm never put in a position where I can't stand up and leave. Ideally, I'd love to have close friendship where I could get up and disappear—even for twenty minutes of silence in a guest room, to give me a chance to breathe and recenter—without being considered "weird." But it's hard to find. The boy, on the other hand, is less likely to make me feel trapped than anyone I've ever met, and is more than used to my random bouts of crazy.
Do you consider electronic music (like, computer-arranged, no instruments used, except for maybe a midi-keyboard) less "real" compared to "organic" (playing actual instruments) music?
I consider it less listenable—which is hardly the only standard for "real" music, or else pop music would be king, but it certainly means something. I used to have a friend that composed electronic music via the computer—it was probably slightly more musical than what you describe, but it still was little more than tonal gibberish to me. I prefer my music a bit more traditional than that, with at least instruments or sampled instruments, and a melody rather than a jumble of sound. I don't begrudge each his own, however, as long as I'm not forced to hear it.
Did the major religions (Islam, Christianity, Hinduism) have had a positive or negative influence on the world today?
I honestly couldn't say. Would that everyone could embrace whatever it is that makes him his own best possible self, but it's rarely that simple. Religion is a reason and excuse for division, hate, and violence. I'm inclined to say that monotheistic religions are often the most harmful, because they deny the veracity of—and even declare war against—all other religions; polytheistic religions and cultures aren't all rainbows and butterflies, but they aren't based on the fundamental understanding that there is only one true path. But are those monotheistic religions negative on the whole? I don't know. We rarely talk about a quiet, all-accepting Christian or a peaceful Islamist because there isn't much to say and they don't really make the news. Hate and violence seem more common than I'm sure they are. But I don't know enough to make a declaration one way or the other.