juushika: Photograph of the torso and legs of a female-bodied figure with a teddy bear. (Bear)
I am a bad LJer. I just haven't posted because not all that much is going on. I'm in a lull between frenzied activities, and quite enjoying the break. The townhouse/old apartment is cleaned up, and while all my stuff isn't out (the bed, desk, and other large and difficult objects remain there still) and the place hasn't been scrubbed clean (the carpets need more work, mostly; the kitchen and bathrooms are all shiny now), I'm basically done with the place. The owners, who are family friends, are going to be getting it appraised and then selling it, as they're currently awash in properties (three houses) and vehicles (five cars and a motorcycle) as so the time has come for them to sell and scale back.

In the meantime, I'm staying at Devon's. It was never something we discussed; I just started crashing here, out of exhaustion and then out of comfort. I appreciate the time here. There are some exhausting guests, but for the most part, I am entirely at home and entirely relaxed at this house, the way that I rarely am at my own—that is to say, around my parents. So when I needed to crash and sleep and decompress after last weekend's frenzy of moving, this was the best place to go.

I've been reading, BPALing, and playing Final Fantasy XII to fill up my time. ^_^ There never quite seem to be enough hours in the day for books and games alone. I've never understood people who get bored. The books are rereads, thus the lack of reviews. I do plan to write up one for FFXII, since I didn't the first time through. But it'll have to wait until I actually beat the game—I'm 85 hours in and doing many sidequests, but putting off actual plot completion. When I beat games, I tend to move on from them, even if I mean to come back for big bosses and soforth.

I've also been learning to indulge in BPAL, to really enjoy it. We scented blankie with Boomslang after his last wash, which was an idea of sheer brilliance. (Yes, I sleep with a baby blanket. He is ratty and blue and his name is Blankie, and he is a replacement for the baby blanket I got at birth, which was a pink girl baby blanket also named Blankie that I slept with every night until I was sixteen, when she went missing.) I've been experimenting with layering scents and with serial scent combinations (like Ivanushka in the morning, Morocco in the afternoon, and O in the late evening)—scents that have similar bases (here, skin and fur musks) done in different ways (here, furry, spicy, and sweet), so they fade wonderfully into one another in a evolving chorus of scent.

There's a reason I'm addicted to these oils, people. They are incredible, and infinately interesting.

(Packages are late going out! After the move and crash, the weekend and MLK day crept up on us. Nonetheless most of them shall be in the mail tomorrow.)

The plan for my near future is somewhat more finalized at this point, and not entirely bad. I will be moving into my parent's house, but living in the basement rather than the main floor to give everyone some distance, and I'll still spend days away with Devon, thank god. I'll be helping my parents with some sorting/containing/redecorating that they have been meaning to do for a long time, to turn my sister's bedroom into a study and the basement into a guest bedroom. I will probably be looking for a job I can handle (bookstores, maybe coffee...) or volunteer work (library or animal shelter). I will probably look into returning to school—a state college this time, paid for by my parents (who love me), going to school for one/two terms and then taking one/two terms off. My major mental breaks tend to come if I try to do a solid year of school, which is what lead to the transfer/leave/drop out. Hopefully, by attending a easier school on a part-time basis, I can finish up my last three or four semesters and get my degree without ending up as low as I have been in the past. I don't have any real plans for that degree, but I do know it will be better to have one than not to have one, and if my parents will pay for it, I should take advantage of my opportunity.

Am I looking forward to it? No, not really. Engaging in society, in social situations, even with my family makes me stressed and tired, and so anxious and depressed (from external stimuli, for a change!). I'm not a social person. I am reclusive, self-isolated, and very introverted. Simply seeing people exhausts me. I am happy leaving the house just once a week, and seeing no one but Devon and the brother besides. I know I'm odd for that, but that's how I am happiest. So for me, fitting in to society means being increasingly unhappy. I don't like that, but considering how much worse my future could be, I must take what I can get.

And lately, despite being very achy and sometimes a bit panicky, I've been happy. This last week of Final Fantasy and guinea pigs, so happy with their setup here, and books and BPAL and much time with Devon—this last week has been nice. I've been steadily cheerful, and I treasure that. For me, feeling joy is an achievement, it's something to be happy about in its own right. So that, at least, is good news.

I have, in the meanwhile, been keeping up with my flist, even if I don't always comment! Hoping everyone is well, always.

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juushika: Drawing of a sleeping orange cat. (Default)
juushika

September 2017

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