juushika: Landscape from the movie What Dreams May Come, showing a fantastical purple tree on golden hills (What Dreams May Come)
Late winter gardening season, the big prune when it's cold enough that the prunees don't immediately take as invitation to grow in response to the cut, or: I've been burning through audiobooks, again.

The weather has been uncooperative, lots of rain, pushing my timeline later and later. I've also been more aggressive in my pruning; almost everything got long and droopy last year so, none of that: cut deeper and with more abandon and trust future growth to extend from there. I'm learning, as I inhabit a garden for multiple years. There's a growing confidence but also a lot of grace, because I'm learning that the plants on our property were planted for a reason, mostly that common garden plants are hardy and enthusiastic growers. So many pruning guides will have a "here's your ideal perfect growth pattern" and then "and, yes, you can just wack this down to the ground if you gotta." So the rain hasn't stressed me. I wish I'd gotten more done pre-March, but also know there is space for imperfection.

A trend in GR review for The Ruin of All Witches is "it's fine but such a slog" but, see, the secret is that when a book reads itself to you, there is nearly none such thing. On the other hand, it is now forever one of many grapevine books.


Title: The Kiss
Author: Kathryn Harrison
Published: Random House, 2011 (1996)
Rating: 3 of 5
Page Count: 255
Total Page Count: 503,315
Text Number: 1791
Read Because: personal enjoyment, ebook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: The author's memoir of her romantic and sexual relationship with her estranged father, and its effect on her troubled relationship with her mother. This is, I take it, one of the earlier well-read incest memoirs, and highly divisive at the time of release. It doesn't feel as surprising, now: rather than shocking or grotesque, Harrison is restrained to the point of sterility, scope parred down, sentences overwritten, everything narrativized to within an inch of its life. I can't say if that makes it less honest, and it remains engaging and thoughtful, but it's a very self-conscious approach to honesty that kept me at a distance.


Title: Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism
Author: Amanda Montell
Narrator: Ann Marie Gideon
Published: HarperAudio, 2021
Rating: 3.5 of 5
Page Count: 315
Total Page Count: 505,880
Text Number: 1802
Read Because: IIRC this came up in a review of Dickey's Under the Eye of Power, audiobook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: A bloated but promising text, weighed down by an excess of signposting, a chatty style, and repetitive restatements of the thesis which all amount of "so, the unifying feature is language, thus the title and subject of this book"; a thesis frequently undermined by recurring non-linguistic social elements. Still, Montell looks at a diversity of cults and cult-like spaces, not quite satisfying in breadth or depth but still productive when compared, and the thesis holds water. The more technical discussions of concepts like thought-terminating clichés, gaslighting, and lovebombing are what stick with me. As pop-sci cult studies/linguistics go, this is definitely that: approachable to its own detriment, but I buy it.


Title: The Ruin of All Witches: Life and Death in the New World
Author: Malcolm Gaskill
Narrator: Kristin Atherton
Published: Random House Audio, 2002
Rating: 4.5 of 5
Page Count: 335
Total Page Count: 506,890
Text Number: 1805
Read Because: personal enjoyment, audiobook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: Nonfiction, a history of the witchcraft trials of Hugh and Mary Parsons in Springfield, 1651, forty years before the Salem Witch Trials. Gaskill does something I love, which is to report the events as the townspeople themselves experienced and reported on them, ex. when someone says they saw/experienced an uncanny event, Gaskill simply reports it from their PoV, not interpreting or doubting the account. Simultaneously, Gaskill provides the historical context of social tensions and contemporary religious conflicts, and the broader context of witch trials across Europe and America, although a date-blind reader like me could have benefited from an explicit timeline. Nonetheless, the commentary writes itself: these events were real to those who experienced them; they were, also, the product of their social and cultural milieu. It's a demystifying and compassionate approach that digs deep into one local case, offering takeaways that can be applied to the history of witch trials in the United States, particularly the events in Salem. Very solid!
juushika: Photograph of the torso and legs of a feminine figure with a teddy bear (Bear)
Devon's halfdays off through Hanukkah lead seamlessly to halfdays/full days off for the new year, so I'm just now emerging from 10 days of hanging out with my partner, watching TV and eating good food and playing The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening.

(Which I adored, btw. It's everything I want a modern remake to be: retro feel with quality of life improvements to alleviate the frustrations of older titles and a high-poly charming playmobil-style aesthetic. I never did finish A Link to the Past because the combat grew too frustrating; this is the answer to the parts of retro games that don't hold up. I'd probably put it third-ish on my favorite Zelda game list, following Breath of the Wild and Twilight Princess. It's not a holistic ranking, because The Wind Waker and Ocarina of the Time have much more substantial narratives, but they're just not as enjoyable to play.)

It was the perfect vacation. My sleep cycle runs around 3a-noon, so Devon was effectively around my entire day. Between on-call days and scheduled company holidays, the ten-day vacation took just three total days of PTO. We had so much free time together that his trips out to see friends and family didn't feel like they were eating into precious us-time. It was sustainable and effective, and assuming he stays at his job we'll probably do the same next year.

Opting not to interact with friends and family wasn't the grown-up or healthy choice, but I'm still having a hard time with people—harder now than a year ago. I'm not sadder, I'm tired—a thorough and extended tired. I have griefprocessing.exe running in the background, slowing the rest of the brain-computer; but my brain doesn't have the uhhhhh RAM, I guess, to run bigger programs like family.exe or activeprocessing.exe. My choices are, as always, easier unhealthy-ish choice vs. harder and actively damaging but more responsible choice, and as usual I went with the former.

I'm super behind on end-of-year media wrap-ups (writing my own, but also reading others's!), because I've been with Devon instead of my computer. But I'll get there.
juushika: Screen capture of the Farplane from Final Fantasy X: a surreal landscape of waterfalls and flowers. (Anime/Game)
Title: The Indifferent Stars: The Harrowing Saga of a Donner Party Bride
Author: Daniel James Brown
Narrator Michael Prichard
Published: Tantor Audio, 2014 (2009)
Rating: 4 of 5
Page Count: 360
Total Page Count: 290,080
Text Number: 949
Read Because: interest in the Donner Party, audiobook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: The story of the Donner Party, focused on a young bride who was part of the Forlorn Hope. This focus means that later events at the winter camp are a little less substantial, a little harder to track (granted, the surrounding events have a lot of confusing redundancy re: the numerous reliefs). The impersonal tally of fates for the survivors and the unwieldy epilogue chronicling the author's journey are even less effective, and so the end of the book falls flat. But on the whole, the focus on a single figure helps to ground the history, making it human and accessible, and the cultural context and information about starvation/hypothermia paints a complete picture. It's atmospheric, harrowing, but refuses to be exploitative. The Forlorn Hope is the pinnacle of the text, realistically, sympathetically rendered; humanized and horrific.

(Here's a mistake you can make in the privacy of your own home neighborhood: read the Forlorn Hope section on audio while walking in at below-freezing temperatures! It was literally 29 degrees, it was "mildly uncomfortable," and "I am projecting way too much if I compare it even slightly to the text," but project I sure did!)


Title: Lovecraft Country
Author: Matt Ruff
Narrator: Kevin Kenerly
Published: Blackstone Audiobooks, 2016
Rating: N/A
Page Count: 50 of 370
Total Page Count: 290,460
Text Number: 952
Read Because: mentioned here, audiobook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: The depiction of racism is honest and doesn't appear to be exploitative, but reading it while wary of authorial missteps* is a double burden which is too much for me right now, especially without the payoff of early supernatural elements. I'd rather put my energy into an ownvoices book.

* I have no reason to anticipate them! The book has reviewed well on this particular issue! I just can't silence that paranoid voice right now. For another reader or me at a different time, this is probably well worth reading.


Title: On a Sunbeam
Author: Tillie Walden
Published: independent webcomic
Rating: 4 of 5
Page Count: 545
Total Page Count: 291,135
Text Number: 954
Read Because: personal enjoyment, available for free online as well as in ebook & print
Review: A young woman joins a crew that repairs derelict, fantastical space structures, and discovers that they used to rescue refugees from the edges of the galaxy. This is some of the best science fantasy I've ever seen—the minimal, intentional color palette and thin ink lines are a perfect format for the massive, strange, evocative (playful, beautiful, profound) landscapes. The setting cradles a more intimate narrative about found family, love, and personal maturation with a likable and and diverse cast. Some of the later beats, both plot and emotional, are predictable; the narrative isn't as robust as I hoped for, or as closely tied to the setting's speculative elements. But the overall effect is superb. From the first chapter I wanted to inhabit this world and, by accompanying the protagonist, I can. I couldn't ask for better wish-fulfillment.

(really beautiful voids! the spacewhales are more in atmosphere than fact except, of course, that the ship is one! this is like a romantic fantasy version of my favorite nightmare aesthetics, and I couldn't love it more.)
juushika: Photograph of the torso and legs of a feminine figure with a teddy bear (Bear)
Title: The Wolf Wilder
Author: Katherine Rundell
Published: Simon Schuster Books for Young Readers, 2016 (2015)
Rating: 4 of 5
Page Count: 275
Total Page Count: 284,790
Text Number: 922
Read Because: personal enjoyment, ebook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review:
Once upon a time, a hundred years ago, there was a dark and stormy girl.

The girl was Russian, and although her hair and eyes and fingernails were dark all the time, she was stormy only when she thought it absolutely necessary. Which was fairly often.


A girl who returns semi-domesticated wolves to the wild is pulled into tumultuous events in wintery Russia. The use of language here is lovely—I expected flowery, but it's not that; it's powerful, empathetic—a great fit to middle grade. Combined with the premise, this has fantastic atmosphere and wish fulfillment, the punishing chill of Russian winter, of survival; an impetuous and sympathetic heroine who runs with wolves. (Never particularly realistic wolves, but they hug the line of idealized-but-wild, and that's all that really matters.) I don't love the plot as much, it can be too grim to sell the wish fulfillment, and has the predictable pacing expected from the genre. This isn't my favorite new MG novel, but it gave me what I wanted, and I'm glad I waited to read it until midwinter.


Title: The Flowers of Evil Volumes 1-11
Author: Shuzo Oshimi
Published: Bessatsu Shounen Magazine, 2009-2014
Rating: 4 of 5
Page Count: 205, 190, 190, 175, 190, 190, 195, 190, 190, 190, 210 (total 2115)
Total Page Count: 287,570
Text Number: 927-938
Read Because: mentioned in a Yuletide letter
Review: As a middle schooler, Takao is caught stealing a fellow student's gym clothes, setting up a problematic three-way dynamic between thief, victim, and witness that will define his young life. This doesn't go as dark or as strange as it seems like it might, and I regret somewhat that we don't get that narrative; but what it is, a relatively realistic (still moderately tropey; still dark) look at antisocial behavior and strained interpersonal relationships, and the longterm consequences of the events of childhood, works as an examination of the relationship between nonconformity and self-actualization. It's engaging, thorny; the internal landscapes of the characters are well-realized, even given, or because of, the emotional and inconsistent protagonist. Early chapters suffer from big head syndrome, which conveys the character ages but feels weirdly stylized; later art, especially in dialog-free pages, is fantastic.


Title: The Bone Key: The Necromantic Mysteries of Kyle Murchison Booth
Author: Sarah Monette
Published: Prime Books, 2011 (2007)
Rating: 4 of 5
Page Count: 290
Total Page Count: 287,860
Text Number: 939
Read Because: fan of the author, ebook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: Ten stories about Kyle Murchison Booth, a museum archivist with an unlucky talent for encountering the strange and supernatural. The atmosphere is phenomenal, a historical horror vibe which is more cozy that particularly scary. The short fiction format is immensely readable; Booth's eccentricities and precise diction make for a charming, sympathetic narrative. It isn't as directly confrontational re: bigotry as the Lovecraft retellings we've seen in the last few years, but quietly and effectively introduces the characterization and representation absent from early horror/weird fiction. I wonder if a skeptical supporting character might help underscore the strangeness of Booth's experience, but the near-universal acceptance he encounters avoids tedium and compliments the character study. Ten stories is an ideal length for this (potentially first?) collection, in terms of variety and readability—but a part of me would happily live forever in the ambiguously historical, deceptively cozy, haunted, evocative world/PoV here presented.
juushika: A black and white photo of an ink pen (Writing)
Title: Crash
Author: J.G. Ballard
Published: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2001 (1973)
Rating: 3 of 5
Page Count: 205
Total Page Count: 284,220
Text Number: 920
Read Because: fan of the film, ebook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review:
Faced with this junction of the crashed car, the dismembered mannequins and Vaughan's exposed sexuality, I found myself moving through a terrain whose contours led inside my skull towards an ambiguous realm.


After being involved in a fatal car crash, a man finds his sexuality and inner landscape remapped by automotive accidents. It's an unexpectedly compelling, perversely logical connection: the violence of a car crash uniting human bodies with omnipresent metal and technology, and with each other; the way that desire wraps itself around trauma and injury. Being drawn into that logic, participating in that same interior remapping, made the film a remarkable experience for me when I first saw it. The book achieves the same work, and I'm glad it exists, but it's a lesser experience.

There's a plot here, but not a complex one, and the bulk of the length is instead profoundly, obnoxiously repetitive language. (Binnacle! "heavy" anatomy! mucus mucous mucosa mucilage! ~45 "chromium" alone!) The explicit sexual content made possible by text is innate to the themes, but likewise is deadened by the language and by the pervasive male gaze. Desensitization is one of the narrative's themes and, perhaps, goals, but it doesn't benefit the book; being familiar with the premise combines with the repetition to make the text a chore. My order of approach probably skews my opinions, but paring the book down in adaptation removes those flaws while maintaining the successful core concept; the original text wants badly for brevity.


Title: The Left Hand of Darkness (Hainish Cycle #4)
Author: Ursula K. Le Guin
Narrator: George Guidall
Published: Recorded Books, 2016 (1969)
Rating: 4 of 5
Page Count: 295
Total Page Count: 284,515
Text Number: 921
Read Because: continuing the series, audiobook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: An ambassador comes to Winter, a cold planet inhabited by the only humans known to experience estrus, in the attempt to bring them in to the Ekumen union. This rivals The Dispossessed in depth but not in breadth—it has similar gradual but complicated character growth, but the worldbuilding is frontloaded and the plot less dense. It manages to be both reductionist and insightful in its examination of gender, overlooking gender nonconformity in both societies (nonconformity that absolutely existed in 1969) and so maintaining a gender essentialism which violates its own theses, but it's also rigorous in is examination of gender, of culture, of communication—Le Guin's knack for ground-up worldbuilding, where speculative premises impact entire cultures and entire lived experiences is in full force here. So it reads unevenly, not all of it has aged well—but the second half and in particular that long winter cross-country trek is phenomenal, a quiet interpersonal study with incredible language; and I found this well worth my time.


Title: The Wolf Wilder
Author: Katherine Rundell
Published: Simon Schuster Books for Young Readers, 2016 (2015)
Rating: 4 of 5
Page Count: 275
Total Page Count: 284,790
Text Number: 922
Read Because: personal enjoyment, ebook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review:
Once upon a time, a hundred years ago, there was a dark and stormy girl.

The girl was Russian, and although her hair and eyes and fingernails were dark all the time, she was stormy only when she thought it absolutely necessary. Which was fairly often.


A girl who returns semi-domesticated wolves to the wild is pulled into tumultuous events in wintery Russia. The use of language here is lovely—I expected flowery, but it's not that; it's powerful, empathetic—a great fit to middle grade. Combined with the premise, this has fantastic atmosphere and wish fulfillment, the punishing chill of Russian winter, of survival; an impetuous and sympathetic heroine who runs with wolves. (Never particularly realistic wolves, but they hug the line of idealized-but-wild, and that's all that really matters.) I don't love the plot as much, it can be too grim to sell the wish fulfillment, and has the predictable pacing expected from the genre. This isn't my favorite new MG novel, but it gave me what I wanted, and I'm glad I waited to read it until midwinter.
juushika: A photo of a human figure in a black cat-eared hoodie with a black cat and a black cat plushie (Cat+Cat+Cat)
I fell down a rabbithole that began with "crosspost my Corpse Party liveblog from Tumblr" and ended somewhere around "crosspost everything of substance that I've ever written." Some of these were added to old posts, including archiving favorite quotes alongside reviews; the rest were posted directly to my DW (not to reading pages). Some highlights include:

Interpersonal relationships, trauma, hurt comfort, and socio-political commentary in CJ Cherryh

A recommended list of recommendations lists (of books)

On Buffy the Vampire Slayer, particularly OT3 feels

"Apocalypse" in The Path (some of these posts are super old, ergo poorly written; I also like to reference my own essays like the big loser that I am. they're important writing, to me)

AI, bond animals, and the relationship between technology and projection

A lot of feelings about Deep Space 9

How to write fourth-wall-breaking meta game narratives

Too many things about books, featuring mental illness as plot twist and James Tiptree Jr. and Joanna Russ

Cosmic horror in Mass Effect and breaking down the divine in Dishonored: Death of the Outsider

The optimism of Dark Souls's pessimism



In further blogkeeping, I'm tempted to add by-author tags; an intimidating prospect because I have a lot of backlog and when I set out to organize, I tend to be exhaustive in it (although if that's the case, I should probably also update links on my list of book reviews which I ... very much have not done). This is a project I will schedule for another time, because there's a lot of projects right now:

Yuletide releases! Flight Rising's Night of the Nocturne, which is yearly my favorite festival and which this year has fantastic apparel. (Speculating the day before it started, I told Devon I hoped it was something with ornate jewelry—and then we got exactly that, with bonus! semi-transparent, layer-able pieces.) Overwatch """holidays"""" event, which has still yet to give me either of the skins I want! I & my overtasked wrists are busy enough.


Christmas was about as hard as I should have expected, had I thought about it in advance. My dad's birthday was the 21st; they did a friends-of-the-family get together thing, very casual, a sort of mini-wake I suppose; I didn't get an invite, but more because they knew I didn't want to attend wake-like things than because I was forgotten. Mum & Allie & Devon & I did homemade pizza Christmas evening, which is the traditional family event food, but this was the first time making it entirely without Dad there. It went fine, and panicking while practicing a skill for the first time counterbalanced the mourning and sense of absence to relative neutrality.

But Dad always liked Christmas as a family event, and his absence was noted. And as I recoil more and more from Christmas in this, our era of cultural Christianity and fascism, while I come to terms with which experienced I've granted/denied, and why, I make Christmas increasingly non-joyful—but I still have cultural expectations that it's supposed to be joyful and that if it's not, it's because something is Wrong. Things are wrong! things are very wrong, on multiple axes, only some of which are "because I'm being sort of silly about it." And it's made a season already prone to melancholy and navel-gazing that much more so.

A pity, too, because winter in itself is as always fantastic. I love autumn, but appreciate almost as much the apparent-endlessness of winter's cold, the constant sound of rain, the want (human-body and cat-body alike) for blankets and snuggling, the cold walks and cold fingers, the excuse to live in my ragged hoodie. This year I've managed even managed to pick up winter-set reading in the appropriate season! So Christmas is as always is problematic, but there's always the long cold of January.

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