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so we're ... starting house buying in earnest? to have finished the stressful "arrange money; attain loan agent" and the somewhat more arbitrary "find a realtor" (we went with the lady that I found via tiny regional life/housing in Olympia YouTube videos that I used when researching Olympia itself. and they must also be effective advertizing, because she was the first name we thought of! and she was so easy to get ahold of and left a good positive first impression, unlike any of the others we called. so YouTube lady it is; it only seems like the lazy choice, you see.)—anyway all of that does feel like an accomplishment, although when I say "we" did this what I mean is that I did most of the research and Devon did all of legwork.
but to have accomplished that and now, officially, be in the stage not of preparing or of browsing homes to understand the region/market/what sort of home we'd want to own, but to be in the stage of active searching, of "if I find the right house I can turn around and tell my realtor and maybe start the whole process of buying" is uhhhhhh surreal and incredibly fucking stressful. it means suddenly knowing the difference between "maybe this would work/maybe I could make these compromises" and "I will spend a ton of money on this specific house and then, like, live there? I guess?" Devon remind me that the realtor's literal job is to be a middleman to field questions and concerns about a property, because listings are just so garbage. I don't care if your 3D tour or floor plan is accurate really; I know they're expensive and that's why you want to avoid them; but literally I cannot tell how these rooms connect to one another so, please, I'm begging, give me something. when buying from out of state you can't just pop by a quick open house. so that's what a realtor is for! but it's like someone just said "let me know if you need anything!" to which the only correct response is "I have an anxiety disorder so I will never, ever ask for help on literally anything." but even if I do step forward with "I am 95% sure we want this specific house, let's start that process" it will still require requesting help from someone, so fuck me I guess.
I don't like it, it's not fun window shopping anymore, it's an active decision, a big decision, requiring interacting with others and spending a lot of money. that's bad.
⁂
anyway, feelings-vent in Toki Pona on approximately these same things, written last night. particular thoughts:
mi as universal first person pronoun, that is to say, including both singular & plural, is especially productive here. it's possible to specify we [mi mute = many mi] but not necessary; it's already part of mi. and eliding the things I did/the things me and my partner did to enable the thing I/we can do now gives me a sense of ownership & accomplishment. see above caveat re: research vs legwork: "mi" consolidates that. money stuff is really hard for me, really this whole process is "things specifically where I have no confidence and feel like I have little agency." so anything that keeps me grounded is helpful.
still-evolving thoughts about "ike" as bad/negative vs complicated/complex because the ike part of house hunting is pretty equally "this [spending big dollar on big investment] is innately stressful" and "it requires learning things and talking to people and making arrangements that are complicated, effortful, and therefore bad". ike and pona are not antonyms but the extent to which pona is that which has a pona-fying effect feels true re: ike. ike is that which ike-fies; complication and complexity are not innately ike but when their effect is negative then they are part of ike's semantic field.
⁂
( tenpo suno ni la mi open alasa esun e tomo. )
( toki sewi kepeken sitelen pona. )
but to have accomplished that and now, officially, be in the stage not of preparing or of browsing homes to understand the region/market/what sort of home we'd want to own, but to be in the stage of active searching, of "if I find the right house I can turn around and tell my realtor and maybe start the whole process of buying" is uhhhhhh surreal and incredibly fucking stressful. it means suddenly knowing the difference between "maybe this would work/maybe I could make these compromises" and "I will spend a ton of money on this specific house and then, like, live there? I guess?" Devon remind me that the realtor's literal job is to be a middleman to field questions and concerns about a property, because listings are just so garbage. I don't care if your 3D tour or floor plan is accurate really; I know they're expensive and that's why you want to avoid them; but literally I cannot tell how these rooms connect to one another so, please, I'm begging, give me something. when buying from out of state you can't just pop by a quick open house. so that's what a realtor is for! but it's like someone just said "let me know if you need anything!" to which the only correct response is "I have an anxiety disorder so I will never, ever ask for help on literally anything." but even if I do step forward with "I am 95% sure we want this specific house, let's start that process" it will still require requesting help from someone, so fuck me I guess.
I don't like it, it's not fun window shopping anymore, it's an active decision, a big decision, requiring interacting with others and spending a lot of money. that's bad.
⁂
anyway, feelings-vent in Toki Pona on approximately these same things, written last night. particular thoughts:
mi as universal first person pronoun, that is to say, including both singular & plural, is especially productive here. it's possible to specify we [mi mute = many mi] but not necessary; it's already part of mi. and eliding the things I did/the things me and my partner did to enable the thing I/we can do now gives me a sense of ownership & accomplishment. see above caveat re: research vs legwork: "mi" consolidates that. money stuff is really hard for me, really this whole process is "things specifically where I have no confidence and feel like I have little agency." so anything that keeps me grounded is helpful.
still-evolving thoughts about "ike" as bad/negative vs complicated/complex because the ike part of house hunting is pretty equally "this [spending big dollar on big investment] is innately stressful" and "it requires learning things and talking to people and making arrangements that are complicated, effortful, and therefore bad". ike and pona are not antonyms but the extent to which pona is that which has a pona-fying effect feels true re: ike. ike is that which ike-fies; complication and complexity are not innately ike but when their effect is negative then they are part of ike's semantic field.
⁂
( tenpo suno ni la mi open alasa esun e tomo. )
( toki sewi kepeken sitelen pona. )
