juushika: Screen capture of the Farplane from Final Fantasy X: a surreal landscape of waterfalls and flowers. (Anime/Game)
My partner has been playing a lot of S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 2: Heart of Chornobyl & I'm fascinated by how horny this game is despite a pretty non-horny setting and plot (not that "thinking a lot about the state of your body in a place where space & bodies have mutated; thinking a lot about the relationship between body and mind and consciousness" can't be horny—sure can—but it's also very cold dirty slog + cerebral, so, a wash).

And I think it's 50% the FKMT effect : if your misogyny is so fundamental that it doesn't even occur to you to include female characters even as sex objects/love interests, but your all-male cast is still going through life or death situations, then you have accidentally constructed an intimate, pressurized all-male space, in other words: you accidentally made it intensely gay. (Of course FKMT isn't the only one who does this—this is half of why slash is such a phenomenon—but maybe no one does it better.) In STALKER 2, Skif has a bad case of main character syndrome: he comes from nowhere to prove to be exceedingly competent and meet every major player in the Zone, all of whom are vaguely sexy in rugged power fantasy white male way, most of whom end up in life or death situations with/because of him—lots of potential, waiting to be explored via...

And it's 50% the argument made in Polygon's why skeletons are so important to video game animation video: the more bespoke or finessed an animation, the more corporeal and real (and therefore sexy) the characters feel. While STALKER 2 is a little "we are actually an indie studio, thanks" re: production quality (voice acting, mocap, lipsync), it's also ridiculously physical, chock full of bespoke animations and enriched by some cute head/camera movement, see this scene of the conversation with Richter. There's no reason for Skif to balance and jump around over the junkyard! Except the blocking balances the cerebral conversation, so there's playfulness, characterization, and so much physicality in Skif playing, in the flick of his gaze towards Richter, in the tension of his balance.

The result is stuff like (these scenes are all a little later in and consequently a little more spoilery) "is that him? yay here's the key to my special suite if you'd like to sleep in my bed!" and Skif can do a little strangulation, as a treat and the cigarette scene that proves my point by being an exception to the rule (this being one of the 3.5 female characters in the game) and this incredible cutscene fight. In a time when first person player characters still tend to be a little telekinetic (and certainly STALKER 2 doesn't make you reach out a hand to pick up every bandage and box of bullets), the realism in this first person camera and the wealth of bespoke animations are physical, substantial, dynamic; which means tense and violent, which also means horny as hell. With half a dozen slightly oversized male characters who all meet Skif for 5 (five) minutes and become convinced that the sun shines out his ass. I'm not the least emotionally invested, while still having a constant, low-level appreciation: all games should be willing to be incidentally sexy.
juushika: A black and white photo of an ink pen (Writing)
Title: Unmask Alice: LSD, Satanic Panic, and the Imposter Behind the World's Most Notorious Diaries
Author: Rick Emerson
Narrator: Gabra Zackman
Published: BenBella Books, 2022
Rating: 3 of 5
Page Count: 385
Total Page Count: 516,190
Text Number: 1875
Read Because: this review, audiobook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: The extensive character assassination based on what feels like embarrassing but petty flaws like self-aggrandizement becomes increasingly justified as those flaws are revealed to be the definitive elements of some infamously falsified, culturally significant books. This is thorough, which sometimes means belabored, and Emerson's approach to citing sources sucks; the historical context and room for the redeeming qualities is thoughtful; Emerson's voice is conversational to the point of obnoxious and muckrakey. Fascinating but infuriating, and not always on account of the offenses of Beatrice Sparks.

Personal thoughts. )


Title: The Day of the Triffids (Triffids Book 1)
Author: John Wyndham
Published: RosettaBooks, 2010 (1951)
Rating: 3 of 5
Page Count: 245
Total Page Count: 516,435
Text Number: 1876
Read Because: reading more of the author after enjoying Chocky, ebook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: Stories about how the world falls apart are rarely "enjoyable," and appropriately I didn't enjoy this. Wyndham's read on the apocalypse runs into predictable pitfalls, namely ableism and sexism; Golden Age SF often manages to be forward thinking for its time and profoundly trapped in that time, and rejecting vs. preserving marriage is the locus of that conflict here.

But this is almost cozy in its apocalypse. Like War of the Worlds, it's a devastatingly large event explored on a personal level (a necessary focus, as the triffids are pretty boring baddies); unlike almost any apocalypse narrative I can think of, it's about agriculture, about life after the grocery stores are looted, about the labor of rebuilding society. When I read this, it was an interesting touchstone in the genre but not my thing; but, in the months since then, I've thought about it with surprisingly regularity, every time I've encountered another apocalypse story utterly unconcerned with farming.


Title: A Little Princess
Author: Frances Hodgson Burnett
Narrator: Johanna Ward
Published: Blackstone Publishing, 2012 (1905)
Rating: 4 of 5
Page Count: 240
Total Page Count: 516,675
Text Number: 1877
Read Because: childhood reread, audiobook borrowed from the Multnomah County Library
Review: This is no The Secret Garden, but of course the comparison is unfair, especially since I have nostalgia for one but not the other. This is bigger, with an almost campy contrivance and predictability, as the reader is let in on secrets far ahead of the protagonist. But that's just what grew on me: Burnett's willingness to intrude on the narrative, to explicate and to remove the veil of suspense just when it grows too thin, is great fun, the narrator almost a character itself, tamping down the sentimentality. I love a story of isolated-but-romanticized suffering, and self-romanticization certainly fulfills that niche; I probably would have liked this better as a young reader but, hey, better late than never.

(I have a trope tag for desert island paradises which is small but one hell of a vibe, and this is the first addition in a while.)
juushika: Screen capture of the Farplane from Final Fantasy X: a surreal landscape of waterfalls and flowers. (Anime/Game)
Musings on racial/Jewish stuff re: author and text. )


Title: Journey (Journey Trilogy Book 1)
Author: Aaron Becker
Published: Candlewick Press, 2013
Rating: 3.5 of 5
Page Count: 40
Total Page Count: 319,720
Text Number: 1122
Read Because: personal enjoyment, hardback borrowed from the Wilsonville Public Library
Review: This is Harold and the Purple Crayon grown up. The elements are strong: a distinctive, effective use of color-coding; a wordless narrative that invites close reading (such as it is) and therefore reader projection; an indulgence of sweeping vistas and intricate cityscapes. (That said, I regret the metallics—they don't reproduce well.) It's engaging, satisfying, but not particularly memorable. Distilling the premise down to its purest form also simplifies it—and while there's room for simplification in picture books, there're also other picture books that cover this territory.


Title: Quest (Journey Trilogy Book 2)
Author: Aaron Becker
Published: Candlewick Press, 2014
Rating: 3 of 5
Page Count: 30
Total Page Count: 319,750
Text Number: 1123
Read Because: reading the series, hardback borrowed from the Wilsonville Public Library
Review: Wordless books rely on recognizable tropes and narratives for clarity, but they don't have the means to explore them with nuance. Thus this reiterates everything wrong with the white savoir trope in portal fantasy—in a bland, benign, but uncritical way. The trite ending makes the book feel even more cliché.

But the other trope here is a fantasy map—not usually a trope I care about, but there's no better place for a drawn map than in a world where drawing creates reality. Flipping between the map and the locations is a delight, and that engagement with the art lengthens the hasty plot.


Title: Return (Journey Trilogy Book 3)
Author: Aaron Becker
Published: Candlewick Press, 2016
Rating: 2 of 5
Page Count: 40
Total Page Count: 320,275
Text Number: 1125
Read Because: reading the series, hardback borrowed from the Wilsonville Public Library
Review: I appreciate the inclusion of adults in picture books, particularly as parents participating in their children's adventures. Unfortunately, everything else about this is underwhelming. It borrows too much from Quest, rehashing a similar plot, using the same trite rainbow climax, doubling down on the problem with portal fantasy (feat. "the saviors from our world are better at using portal-world magics than the native inhabitants"). It's not awful, but it's easily the weakest of a middling series, despite the always-gorgeous art; an unfortunate ending.
juushika: Photo of a cat in motion, blurred in such a way that it looks like a monster (Cryptid cat)
Sometimes you find something in your 30s that makes you wonder "but how did I become me without this thing?" I managed it in part because I read a lot of other Clamp in my teens, but in many ways (nearly all ways except for "has a lot of feels about robots") these feel the most Clamp and the most relevant to how Clamp informed my id. Anyway, they were good.


Title: X
Author: Clamp
Translator: Lillian Olsen
Published: Viz Media, 2011-2013 (1992-2003)
Rating: 5 of 5
Page Count: 3,415 (584+560+554+540+538+544+95)
Total Page Count: 312,850
Text Number: 1052-1071
Read Because: fan of the author group, paperbacks borrowed from the Wilsonville Public Library
Review: A teenager returns to his childhood home and friends in Tokyo to participate in a battle to determine the fate of the world. This is review of the series "entire", which is 4 stars for the first few volumes and a strong 5 stars by the end. Short version: This is slow to begin, to improves as it goes on to become both strong and particularly tailored to my personal tastes. That it stands unfinished is unfortunate but doesn't lessen the work, particularly because there is closure to a personal favorite and thematically central arc. This is a new favorite Clamp series; I loved & recommend it.

Long version )


Title: Tokyo Babylon
Author: Clamp
Translator: Ray Yoshimoto, Alexis Kirsch and Carol Fox
Published: Dark Horse Manga, 2013 (1990-1993)
Rating: 4 of 5
Page Count: 1,170 (560+610)
Total Page Count: 314,250
Text Number: 1079-1085
Read Because: fan of the author group, paperbacks borrowed from the Wilsonville Public Library
Review: A young occult practitioner works in busy Tokyo with two constant companions: his exuberant twin sister and the mysterious older man who professes to love him. The bizarre combination of shojo boys' love occult monster-of-the-week meeting high fashion, social commentary, and musings on life in a metropolis meeting slow-build character development and a phenomenally dark ending is something that feels like it could only have come from Clamp, especially early Clamp. It can be discordant, and the art (especially the fashion) is dated, but the tonal bait-and-switch has a strong, creeping tension and incredible payoff. Like X, this is a 4-star series that makes it to 5 stars by the end, nonetheleast because it appeals so well to my particular tastes. (My only regret is that it makes me want to reread it and/or X, immediately after finishing both!) Clamp has built a lot of special things throughout their long career, but the characters which begin here are easily some of my favorites.


Further, borderline incoherent thoughts, excised & edited from an email )
juushika: Photograph of the torso and legs of a feminine figure with a teddy bear (Bear)
Non-detailed headcold talk. )

* * *

I've also been having hallucinations for the last week or two?? I'm hesitant to call them hallucinations because they're very much that thing where your brain tries to pattern match for partial information. But it's been happening a lot. I've seen gray blur = greyhound, dot of light = glowing eyes of a black dog, moving dot = spider (this one a lot! why!), black blur = cat, and heard a man say, "hey, what's up?" so distinctly that I had to make sure I wasn't in voice on Discord.

In the past I've taught myself to interpret similar stimuli as my black dog beastie, to help build & reinforce my comfort/nightmare/embodied metaphor. So in a way this feels like a success and is more interesting and reaffirming than it is scary. (Except the spiders.) But it's still for me super unusual to have this happen more than once a month or so. I chock this up to significant stress compounded by fatigue.

Is this what a hallucinations are, or do they need to be more concrete and sustained? What's the link between hallucinations and aphantasia—the interpretations are definitely brain-side, and what I'm actually seeing is peripheral blurs or movement, but where are those elements coming from? Is it just the result of slow processing (on account of stress, etc) that makes my eyes confused and provides inadequate information to my brain? ?? How do brain work?

* * *

Because of Dev's work scheduling, we're doing the actual move on Friday (the 5th) instead of our move-in date of Wednesday (the 3rd). This is the right call—it gives us three days to do a lot of errands/loading/driving/unloading/errands instead of something like one day in the middle of the week to try to manage an impossible number of things. It was still crushing to realize I'd spend another two days here. But the cold is a blessing; it makes time move in an endless long blur—not faster, but less real.

But that feeling that things are so close to being done except for this last hurdle, this one more delay just ... haunts me until the very end.
juushika: Photo of a cat in motion, blurred in such a way that it looks like a monster (Cryptid cat)
Devon's commute means we have about ~2 hours together per day, and I have not been coping well. My bad periods are both varied and familiar. This isn't the soul-deep sadness of sick family member; this is the dissociative grey of a depressive episode. It reminds me too much of college, and of watching my one source of comfort walk away. An overreaction—it is just two weeks of this hell commute—but given how many extenuating circumstances there are I'm unsurprised.

But I declare last week the worst of it. It began with 3 days of Devon being out of state for training, which is behind us now. Seeing him over the weekend helped reset my brain. We wasted a day driving up to see the exact apartment location, and get a feel for its placement. The highway sound is audible, but sounds like wind in the trees and I don't expect it'll seep indoors. The park and library both abut the apartment complex. This puts to rest a lot of my ... purchasing anxiety, I suppose.

And I started the active packing process—mostly clothes/books/games so far. I appreciate an activity to eat up the hours. There'll be rushed things later, and a huge list of things we don't have (nothing urgent except maybe ... flatware...), but my mum has volunteered a lot of items, including a couch. And we move in exactly a week. A week!

It'll get worse and get better but then hopefully be better indefinitely.


* * *

I've been watching The Magicians while packing, but had to stop for 3.5 "A Life in the Day" because it deserved my full attention. It's so like Star Trek: TNG 5.25 "The Inner Light," a comparison I don't make lightly, because that episode is phenomenal and they're not similar just in concept but in quality. My only complaint is can we just cast old people to play old versions of characters. The same episode is happy to cast multiple actors for the same growing son, and aging makeup still sucks. Just cast old people! Anyway who cares. The premise is of one those pure gold tropes—"it was all a dream/time loop" is only a cop-out when it avoids character development, but this more closely parallels a Bad End: it's an insight to a life these people could have and which, for both viewer and eventually for character, informs their character going forward. It's so queer! It's beautifully paced and the denouement, the beauty of all life, made me cry.

(3.9 "All that Josh" made me cry, too, but that's because musical numbers are cheating.)

I only read the first book in the series, and know bits of the plot of the rest (largely: Julia exists) because Teja read the other two. A chunk of my engagement in the first season or so was seeing how the promising but poorly-handled concepts of the book were translated more successfully to TV. Adaptation is fascinating! but most of the secret to success was to add PoC and add women and let all of the above exist in the same place in the narrative.

Now the show has mostly exceeded my book knowledge, so I can't look at adaptation. My technical focus is largely on tropes, particularly how they handle bad tropes. "Not really dead" sucks because it removes risk (this I admit is still a concern) and consequences—but there are consequences aplenty and character are radically changed by death. Julia's entire story is an inch away from awful (and I'm sure the books are), but the show intentionally engages and interrogates and subverts its tropes re: character growth & plot devices as result of trauma. The throughline is multiple-episode consequences, which is what separates the mystical pregnancy trope from Buffy's PTSD; not just nods to continuity, but complicated things persisting though multiple episodes/plotlines as well as being the focus of entire episodes/plots. I've loved this aspect of the genre's evolution since I finally saw The X-Files, and this is the payoff.

And my emotional focus is the character arcs. It wasn't, in the first season—the cast is better in the show than the books, but they were still assholes in a stylized but still-unlikable way. The issue of friendship isn't light-handed—the show doesn't bother itself with light-handed—but it is humanizing, and contrasts effectively against the asshole aesthetic. It's built room for episodes like "A Life in a Day." "TNG's "The Inner Light" works because of investment in Picard; I can't really remember the episode's supporting characters, but I remember discovering a different side to a distinct, stylized, role-defined character. "A Life in a Day" only develops character arcs in snips and snatches; the more consistent development is in relationships, between Quentin and Eliot, between the characters and Fillory, the characters and their quest/social role/social circle. If you can also sing a musical number about it then it's not exactly ... delicately written. But it's working, that combination of longterm repercussions persisting through sometimes-episodic writing as a form of trope inversion + found family/friendship narratives as trope played straight = engaging, effective character arcs.

I still don't know if it's a good show, but I'm glad I picked it up.

(By coincidence/kismet, three convos about the show have been occurring through the bits of the internet I visit, all with similar vibes, all with an undercurrent of "I hope Lev Grossman hates the show, because it stands in opposition to so many of the bitter, hateful, limited, gross things that made his books so awful" and I delight in it. I put off the show for so long because of the damn book!)
juushika: Drawing of a sleeping orange cat (Default)
My sleep schedule is, uh, weird rn, but I need to make these notes before I can play Kingdom Hearts III, so whatever: they're notes.

  • I've called many of the side games "backloaded" but Kingdom Hearts: Dream Drop Distance is the most unbalanced of them all. "It basically has no narrative!" I thought, until the 80% mark, when it reaches the last world and becomes a chain of memories cutscenes and boss battles.


  • Part of this is that there's only two big plot points:

    spoilerinos )

    And while the former could/should have been spread over the narrative, it would have required moving forward some late reveals; and the Disney worlds are meant to serve a similar function, a reminder that the worlds are tied to Sora and vice versa—which would work better if the conceit were "these are the worlds before Sora," but whatever. The latter is a big deal on a meta-narrative level, but as a single plot point to dump here? It's not that complicated. (As a statement. The details as apply to 204249 characters is infinitely more complex.)


  • So I had a lot of lategame feelings & I am excited for KHIII, but it was no 358/2 Days or Birth By Sleep in terms of either pacing or a complete side-story still contributing something significant to the meta-narrative. It was significantly more like Coded, particularly in that both share a not-really-real-ness—I mean, all the side games are narrative cul-de-sacs in that they're dreams or simulations or prequels, but those two especially so, moreso given they each offer one meta-narrative plot point at the end of the game.


  • There were multiple instances of "remember that Treasured Disney Franchise™?" that fell flat, particularly The Hunchback of Notre Dame & new Tron. No, I don't remember, because I've never seen them! I've had many & conflicted feelings about which worlds work as settings, particularly in light of upcoming KHIII, a decade after, with so many new franchises to draw on.

    The TL;DR version is: Golden Age Disney works because they're visually iconic & part of the public consciousness; good for setpieces and for borrowing characters (Maleficent) for meta-narrative. Renaissance Disney is the bread-and-butter; it's the most successful and the micro-narratives map well alongside the KH macro-narrative. Live action franchises work if a) they feel cartoony and b) are actually good: Pirates of the Caribbean feels Disney, even with the human models, but new Tron feels wildly out of place despite the stylized aesthetic. Post-Renaissance Disney is a crapshoot; use at your own risk. Second Renaissance is a) too new to know if they're classic narratives and b) also, tbh, a crapshoot. "We bought Pixar" movies are same but moreso. Successful, classic narrative matters, because the emotion that makes the worlds work alongside the plot comes from nostalgia and/or quality. But Disney needs to emphasize Second Renaissance/otherwise more recent franchises, because: $$$$.

    I'm very nervous about this re: KHIII! I'll probably love it anyway! But some of these decisions are still, objectively, A Mistake.


  • Not a mistake: Prankster's Paradise and Fantasia. Especially Fantasia. DDD is too sterile—the maps are huge but, because of limitations, also empty. Running through a depopulated Pastoral Symphony was bizarre, but running through it has been a dream since childhood, so ty, KH. These worlds are vibrant and evocative, and Fantasia has, of course!, a rhythm mini-game.


  • Dream Eaters/Spirits are a mixed bag. Pros: very cute, surprisingly robust given the one-off appearance, I love me a new skill tree. Cons: crafting mats way too hard to come by, pls make more physical attackers who are cute, some gameplay issues on account of "physical objects wandering around a lot." And they feel out of sync with ... all other KH enemy design, honestly? On a similar note:


  • The flowmotion/Dream Eater/drop system is a lot. I spent most of the game feeling like it was the lightest on narrative but would perhaps be one of the more satisfying to replay, on a pure gameplay level: there's so many mechanics, and they make for robust, if messy, exploration. I'll be interested to see how flowmotion translates to the bigger/better/denser/also you can move the camera vertically aspects of KHIII.


  • I played the last 15 hours of the game over about two days, and I will tell you this for free: that dense an aesthetic + that long staring at a tiny screen is a head-trip; also, a headache.


That's it! A moment of silence for Tumblr; but a year ago, this wall of text would have been multiple posts on that hellsite, probably with images of my favorite Dream Eater (spoiler: Me Me Bunny, who I painted dark purple, which was beautiful against the warmtoned accents).
juushika: Painting of multiple howling canines with bright white teeth (Never trust a stranger-friend)
Ginger )


Apocalypse )


Ruby )


Anonymous asked: What is The Path? )


Carmen )


Carmen pt 2: Grandma's house )


Robin )


Some more to say about Red Riding Hood )


The Girl in White )


He is more than just a symbol of the dangers of sexual deception; he is the agent of change.
— "The Path of Needles or Pins: Little Red Riding Hood, Terri Windling, on the role of the wolf



In conversation with another player )


Little girls, this seems to say,
Never stop upon your way.
Never trust a stranger-friend;
No one knows how it will end.
As you're pretty, so be wise;
Wolves may lurk in every guise.
Handsome they may be, and kind,
Gay, or charming never mind!
Now, as then, ‘tis simple truth—
Sweetest tongue has sharpest tooth!
juushika: A black and white photo of an ink pen (Writing)
Because 2018 was a real bad year, and because I'm lazy, I didn't keep any log of what I watched; but as consider writing my best of 2018 list, it occurs to me that it would be useful to know what I watched. This is recreated from my Tumblr and Netflix logs and (ahaha) ""memory.""" It's in only the barest chronological order and doesn't particularly resemble the capsule reviews I usually write for my watch logs, but it's better than nothing.

Star Trek: Deep Space 9, television, 1993-1999
A rewatch, and technically started last year, but this was a huge chunk of my watching and inarguably the most important thing I watched this year. It holds up phenomenally well. I did some liveblogging of this which I'll crosspost later, but: the best if a good franchise, easily; very important to me; difficult and healing to watch while coping with my dad's illness.

Coco, film, 2017
This is vibrant and diverse; and I hate the romanticization of street dogs and the "unconditionally forgive your abuse family members & then they'll reveal they've changed their ways" message. Does one outweigh another? I'm not sure.

Altered Carbon s1, television, 2018
100% there for the aesthetic alone. Unconvinced that the rest, the writing, the representation, is good. But it's indulgent AF cyberpunk.

The Good Place s1-2, television, 2016-2018
This is consistently superb: the pacing, the writing, the casting, the humor (and I hate humor!). It sincerely surprised me, in productive ways. It's one of those rare shows that gives me nothing to criticize. The only reason we haven't watched any of s3 is because I never watch things while they're airing.

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherood up to about episode 30?, anime, 2009
Perhaps I'm insufficiently versed, but this doesn't feel distinctly, obviously better than the old FMA anime; still enjoying it, and appreciate the whiplashy balance of humor to sudden grimness. Only paused this because it's hard for me to watch a lot of subs.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2., film, 2017
Those playing along at home may remember that I've largely given up on Marvel universe on account of "not my thing." By all rights, this should be likewise. But Lindsay Ellis spoke on it convincingly enough that I made an exception, and I don't regret it. The throughline here of abuse and found families is sincerely well rendered—who knew! Hasn't really changed my mind re: Marvel, tho.

Some of Lost in Space, television, 2018
Enough to realize it was boring, and then an unfortunate little bit more.

Beauty and The Beast, film, 2017
Boring, bad CG, added nothing of value; but watchable I guess.

Dark s1, television, 2018
This has a phenomenal aesthetic and sense of place and set of images; the plot is profoundly tedious and I take issue with false rape accusation as narrative device. I was unsure after finishing if I'd watch s2, but with a few months of distance I am even less tempted.

Voltron: Legendary Defender s5-7, television, 2018
(We will probably have watched s8 by the end of the year.) I consistently enjoy this for its vivid science fantasy world and engaging character dynamics. It has too much filler, but the overall balance of humor to grim character growth is successful. Bury your gays was an obvious misstep which goes against everything this series has been aiming for in its casting; again, how does it balance? I'm not sure. But this remains popcorn watching & the only for-kids thing I've enjoyed lately.

Wynonna Earp s1-2, television, 2016-2017
A welcome mirror-twin to Supernatural; better representation, great camp, pretty, oh so pretty, pretty, and only as witty as a show of its type, but absolutely gay. Tumblr tags: #it's trash but no moreso than other shows of its kind; the special effects are ridiculous b/c SyFy #but it's the purest example of that 'indeterminate midwestern metrosexual redneck' aesthetic that I've found #everything is so overdesigned but in a grungy way! Bobo Del Ray's character design is a gift! the landscape is golden and long #and there's an abandoned homestead & dead trees in the background & and when in doubt: decorate with skulls #like a southern gothic playlist with those same 15 (beloved) songs come to life & coincidentally that's also the soundtrack #I want to LIVE THERE

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, television, 2018
I love how this is filmed, how stupidly excessive is its aesthetic. The writing is pretty trash, and these made-for-Netflix shows have got to figure out that the chance to make actually-hour-long episodes means that each episode should be more beefy. Shrug. Will continue to watch in the attempt to project myself into the sets.

Black Mirror s4, television, 2017
Never again will we have the San Junipero time. This season was trash, most seasons are trash for the same reason—obvious and/or reactive social commentary couched in slick but inconsistent styling. It did however prompt:

Some thoughts on intrusive thoughts in speculative and dystopic settings. )

The Ritual, film, 2017
Good setting, good monster design, meh narrative, and the last outweighs. Longer thoughts via tumblr. )

The Witch, film, 2015
The longer this sat with me, the more I liked it. The gritty tedium of the setting makes for a slow pace, but it's one of those films where the ending creeps up, builds up, and then revitalizes all the came before. Beautiful, too; well cast.

ETA: Over the Garden Wall, television, 2014
I don't think I loved this as much as most people do—it was still a little too slight, too funny for me—but what a phenomenal aesthetic and atmosphere; what a great thing to finally watch at exactly the Halloween times.

Killing Eve s1, television, 2018
I enjoyed the hell out of this. It doesn't have the same angle of indulgence as Hannibal, but 1) ladies and 2) the beats of humor/violence (as opposed to aesthetic/violence) add to the conversation, bring new things. Sandra Oh is phenomenal. A good show, will continue watching.

Some of Supernatural s13, television, 2017-2018
"Some of" being a sign that this season hasn't especially captured me, moreso even than the usual baseline of trash TV. I will finish it/the entire show eventually, now that we know it's ending.

Great British Bake Off, television
We watched & (for me) rewatched everything they have on Netflix. The Channel 4 switch suffers hugely, but the bad version of the best and perhaps only good reality show is still strong, and nothing equals this, nothing else is as perfectly soothing. I had a really shitty year and this helped me escape some of that, for which I'm grateful.

Skins Wars s1-3, television, 2014-2016
We watched this to try to fill a GBBO-shaped void, with minimal success. People making things good; American/reality TV bad. The competitive angle steals too much screentime from watching art being made. What really gets me is the financial angle, the "watching people be desperate for money as a form of entertainment" aspect; it's gross and disheartening and, after GBBO? gross and disheartening is the opposite of what I want.

Star Trek: Discovery, television, 2017-2018
I've been trying to fight the knee-jerk reaction of "change is bad" and "old things are better" (although Trek for me isn't just nostalgia—I rewatched them all [except Enterprise] within the last 5 years), and this certainly is watchable, but I'm unconvinced that it's good. Really strong cast; middling writing; weak aesthetic (so blue! the camera doesn't like it, my eyes don't like, it makes the universe so samey). & I feel like the desire to create a stronger, darker overarching story is not new to the Trek universe—is in fact DS9, and they should take pointers from it re: how to pace episodic and overarching. Also the Klingons are very bad. I dig that they speak in Klingon, but it's so slow & phonetic as to be glaring, and, again: work to bring depth to this race has been done! they should build on it, not undermine it! Discovery is fine and I don't regret that it exists, but it's not good, and I want good.
juushika: Photo of a cat in motion, blurred in such a way that it looks like a monster (Cryptid cat)
In paging through my Tumblr archives, it occurs to me to crosspost my gigantic pile of Corpse Party blogging, because it would be a loss to the greater internet if 7000 words about Morishige Sakutaro disappeared forever. Blanket TW for gore and character death.


First Playthrough
Playing Corpse Party. )

Morishige: literally perfect. )

Morishige's death transcribed. )

It's half identification and half fascination )

Science Lab anatomical model. )

Mayu's voice is Morishige's apocalypse. )

I beat Corpse Party on the train. )


Second Playthrough
Starting. )

A favorite game. )

Morishige and Fireshrine. )

Morishige finds a blood-soaked pouch. )

Anatomical model take two and Wrong Ends. )


Corpse Party: Book of Shadows

Chapter 1: Seal )

Chapter 2: Demise )

Chapter 3: Encounter )

Chapter 4: Purgatory )

Chapter 5: Shangri-La, or: A Morishige Essay )

Shangri-La bonus thoughts. )

Chapter 6: Mire )
juushika: Painting of multiple howling canines with bright white teeth (Never trust a stranger-friend)
I may find a scattered few Tumblr things which I want to preserve (and honestly probably should have crossposted) here. Here are some from my fangirling over Gen Urobuchi tag. He's the guy that did Fate/Zero and Puella Magi Madoka Magica and Aldnoah.Zero and Saya no Uta and Psycho-Pass and basically everything I love; "nicknamed Urobutcher by his fans, Urobuchi's works often contain dark and nihilistic themes, tragic plot twists, and heavy usage of gore" (Wikipedia).


Favorite example of Fate/Zero light novel v. anime: Ryuunosuke's death.

(The beautiful mess that is the relationship between Kiritsugu, Kirei, Gilgamesh, Tokiomi, Kariya, Maiya, Irisviel, Saber, Aoi is even better, and the ending with the Grail is the very bestest, but Ryuunosuke's death makes a nice single scene.)

Anime scene here; LN scene and blather below the cut.Gore TW. )


* * *


How wicked and terrible Saya is.

Perhaps others fear and loathe her. I, however, find her malevolence irresistibly charming.


As always, taking forever-too-long to get to important stories by favorite storytellers, but: I played Saya no Uta. Saya no Uta gets general TW for gore and loli, but they're only obliquely mentioned here. )


How Urobuchi writes plots and fosters consumer engagement )
juushika: Photo of a cat in motion, blurred in such a way that it looks like a monster (Cryptid cat)
I've always been concerned with the boundaries of fetishization in my unending quest towards to collect/consume unusually intimate relationships—relationships which are unusual because of the nature of their intimacy and/or because of the way that intimacy manifests—so this conversation about repressed passions is relevant to my interests, particularly:

[personal profile] darkemeralds:
I want to make a case within the blindly-patriarchal world of official publishing and editing that "forbidden love" is a whole separate kind of story from other love stories. A category of its own, with different conventions and expectations. That the forbiddenness (including interracial, same-sex, different religions, feuding clans--take your pic, whatever society forbids in the time and place of the story) isn't some incidental obstacle to true love, but is the story.

In this regard, I contend that The Bridges of Madison County and Brokeback Mountain have more in common with each other and with West Side Story, than with, say, Pride and Prejudice.

But though I feel the difference, I'm having some trouble defining it in terms the straight white American male persons who still run my industry can quite grasp.


The distinction I offered is that forbidden relationships necessarily exist in conversation/argument with society—a conversation about what society forbids, and why, and what are the consequences of refusing to conform. Which is a broad, accessible theme, particularly in the context of romance/fanfic/fandom/id media, where the reader's desires (in fiction, but also just, in general, as an act of having desires, sexual or otherwise, while [probably, given demographics] female/queer/marginalized) are also in argument with society and its restrictions on how female/queer/marginalized desire manifests.

It puts me in mind of [personal profile] franzeska's But What I Really Want is to(o) Direct, which contrasts how fandom appropriates from gay men and gay men appropriate from women. Why do we borrow other people's narratives or conflicts or images? "Sometimes, allegory gets closer to one’s own internal experiences than literal depiction does"—lateral/allegorical/non-literal/borrowed representation is more accessible, for any number of reasons: less confrontational, less personal, more idealized, while still engaging familiar anxieties and desires. Appropriation has well-deserved negative connotations, but the value of that representation, of marginalized groups building productive narratives, remains. It's a really good essay & makes me want to read the texts referenced.

Forbidden love and unusual intimacy share similarities but don't directly overlap. I'm fairly conservative re: unusually intimate relationships: incest good! cannibalism good! interracial relationships bad!—insofar as the last doesn't trigger the same narrative kink. Cultural violations and taboo aren't synonymous, nor should they be; there's a productive innateness in treating some things as taboo, like incest (genetics!) and cannibalism (disease! murder!) which doesn't/shouldn't apply to racism, homophobia, etc. The more objectively and obviously taboo is an easier avenue for the unusually intimate—even though I cognitively view incest, cannibalism, etc. as morally neutral. My rational brain believes that; my id still thrills in the taboo. And it's that particular tension which reminds me of being 14 and discovering the evocative, titillating thrill of shipping anime boys with each other, which was absolutely more exciting because of ~the gay.~ I was a liberal teenager from a liberal background, and fictional ~the gay~ was a tool towards exploring my own identity, but the social deviancy of it was still a significant part of the draw.

And there are also gray areas like sexualized violence—not taboo, in fact intrinsic to society. An effective unusually intimate relationship probably differs in consent or type of violence or partner dynamics, but it still indicates a) a gray area, b) how I divide "appropriate/suitable" from "inappropriate/unsuitable" unusually intimate relationships is self-serving and complicated, and c) all of it is about tension and anxiety. It's about using fictionalized, fetishized, idealized narratives to explore perhaps only laterally related internal conflict, and the tension of "is this appropriate?" is itself one of the tensions explored. That discomforting gray area isn't a deterrent so much as it is part of the conversation—a conversation about how society limits desire and interaction, and why.

I don't think fetishization/appropriation is so completely & guiltlessly resolved as in the "But What I Really Want" meta. Representation matters, but it can still operate within existing prejudices, see: misogyny in gay cis men, which doesn't undermine the value of co-opting female icons, but does complicate it. So this doesn't resolve my anxiety about lines drawn between exploring the taboo as an avenue for exploring my own marginalized identity/desire, or the concept of taboo as prejudicial or fetishistic. But it was an angle I hadn't considered which goes a good way towards explaining part of why I find this umbrella of relationship dynamics intriguing.

And, mostly, I wanted an excuse to preserve & tag the above quote.

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