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juushikaI've been a bit floaty and empty-minded these last two days, and as a result I've been watching television.
Generally, all the TV I watch I watch through CBS.com, which hosts online videos—specificially CSI and its deriviaties, as well as Moonlight (with which I have an hate/love relationship) and Numb3ers, which I watch because it's not actively bad and fills my free time when I need TV noise. But lately, I've been watching on-TV TV as well. Reruns of Sex and the City, though edited, are a joy. Less so is the inevitable (because Mythbusters isn't on all the time) reality television: The American Idol auditions (amusing because they are so painful; I don't plan to watch the actual competition), and tonight—Moment of Truth.
Contestants are asked difficult questions. If they answer enough of questions truthfully, in front of host, audience, and select family and friends, they are rewarded cash prizes. If they lie once, they lose their winnings and their game ends. The questions come from a selection from fifty that they are asked before the show, during which their responses were measured by a polygraph test.
Have you ever had sexual fantasies in Mass?
Have you ever peeked at another man's package in the shower?
Have you ever used the internet to flirt with another woman while married to your wife?
Have you ever gone through a co-workers personal belongings without their knowledge?
Have you ever touched one of your female clients more than was required to do your job?
Have you ever done anything that would give your wife reason not to trust you?
Interestingly, we all (me, boyfriend, the brother) all sat down to watch this show on the same day that![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
chaos_current asked in his friends meme: Would you take a public lie detector test for $500,000? (Assuming you only get the 500k if you tell the truth.)
Let's ignore lie detectors being a whole bunch of unreliable bullshit. Let's ignore reality television and game shows being a shitton of unreliable absolute bullshit. What gets me about this show and Luke's question is: what is it that everyone is so embarrassed to admit?
I have secrets, but generally I have them because I worry that they will embarrass the listener, the learner, not me. If you really want to know, I'm happy to tell you. If you want to offer me money so that I'll tell you, then fuck yes, hit me. There's a lot of shit I want to buy.
There is a lot that I'm ashamed of, but generally it comes down to essential truths: I am ashamed of myself. I am ashamed of how my brain works, or more oft', doesn't. I am ashamed of the things that I have done to hurt others, and the disrespect I show towards those that I love most. I am ashamed of many, many things that I have done to Devon. I am ashamed of my quirky little desires that are socially or personally inappropriate or impossible. But I am willing to discuss those shames, because they are important parts of my character, myself. They help me understand me, they help others understand me. That which is most sensitive, that which is most difficult for me to discuss, is probably the most important to open up and to analyze and to understand. Which isn't to say that I'd tell them to anyone for no reason, because they are sensitive topics, but if I'm asked, I will discuss it.
But I'm not ashamed of this sexual fantasy, that personal act, that desire, that piece of porn, that lost friendship, that grudge, that curiosity. I don't share it all because I do maintain a sense of TMI, a sense of personal distance and privacy. But the stuff I don't share for a reason, because I think it might scare y'all, drives me crazy with the urge to tell someone, so I tell my friends in foreign countries and confess it anonymously to websites, if it comes down to that. I'm not ashamed. I just don't want to weird anyone out.
And if someone asks, because they are curious, because they want to know, then their negative responses are their own responsibility. Since I don't secretly rape infants or, hell, even want to—and nothing of similar real repercussions or immorality—my secrets, no matter how quirky, are harmless. If they weird out the listener, then the listener has the closed mind, they hold the real shame.
What is it that these people do or think that makes them so scared of themselves? What social constructs, what rules do they live by that makes them feel like they have to be ashamed of themselves? Hell, yes, it's embarrassing, but it shouldn't be so fucking embarrassing or interesting that people would deny cash for it or make a TV show about it.
I simply fail to comprehend.
This especially confuses me because one of the more common LJ memes is something along the line of "ask me a question, any question, no matter how personal, and I will answer it." That, and truth and dare—why are we so anxious to spill our guts if we find it so shameful?
And in that vein, and out of curiosity, I'll entertain just the same. If you have a personal question for me, or more than one question, on any topic, no matter how sensitive, ask it here and I will try to answer. This post is unlocked because I am not ashamed; depending on possible questions, my responses may be screened so that only the asker receives them, because I ain't getting paid. (I doubt I'll do as much, but I reserve the right.)
I support open communication. I welcome the communication. If you would like to know me better, then I am happy to help you. The questions don't have to be embarrassing, in fact—anything you've ever wondered, I'm happy to answer that too. But in all cases, your response to my answer is your responsibility. I don't expect cheers and praises for my failings, but I expect those that care for me to accept me, and as for the rest—if I am not ashamed, why should you be?
Generally, all the TV I watch I watch through CBS.com, which hosts online videos—specificially CSI and its deriviaties, as well as Moonlight (with which I have an hate/love relationship) and Numb3ers, which I watch because it's not actively bad and fills my free time when I need TV noise. But lately, I've been watching on-TV TV as well. Reruns of Sex and the City, though edited, are a joy. Less so is the inevitable (because Mythbusters isn't on all the time) reality television: The American Idol auditions (amusing because they are so painful; I don't plan to watch the actual competition), and tonight—Moment of Truth.
Contestants are asked difficult questions. If they answer enough of questions truthfully, in front of host, audience, and select family and friends, they are rewarded cash prizes. If they lie once, they lose their winnings and their game ends. The questions come from a selection from fifty that they are asked before the show, during which their responses were measured by a polygraph test.
Have you ever had sexual fantasies in Mass?
Have you ever peeked at another man's package in the shower?
Have you ever used the internet to flirt with another woman while married to your wife?
Have you ever gone through a co-workers personal belongings without their knowledge?
Have you ever touched one of your female clients more than was required to do your job?
Have you ever done anything that would give your wife reason not to trust you?
Interestingly, we all (me, boyfriend, the brother) all sat down to watch this show on the same day that
chaos_current asked in his friends meme: Would you take a public lie detector test for $500,000? (Assuming you only get the 500k if you tell the truth.)Let's ignore lie detectors being a whole bunch of unreliable bullshit. Let's ignore reality television and game shows being a shitton of unreliable absolute bullshit. What gets me about this show and Luke's question is: what is it that everyone is so embarrassed to admit?
I have secrets, but generally I have them because I worry that they will embarrass the listener, the learner, not me. If you really want to know, I'm happy to tell you. If you want to offer me money so that I'll tell you, then fuck yes, hit me. There's a lot of shit I want to buy.
There is a lot that I'm ashamed of, but generally it comes down to essential truths: I am ashamed of myself. I am ashamed of how my brain works, or more oft', doesn't. I am ashamed of the things that I have done to hurt others, and the disrespect I show towards those that I love most. I am ashamed of many, many things that I have done to Devon. I am ashamed of my quirky little desires that are socially or personally inappropriate or impossible. But I am willing to discuss those shames, because they are important parts of my character, myself. They help me understand me, they help others understand me. That which is most sensitive, that which is most difficult for me to discuss, is probably the most important to open up and to analyze and to understand. Which isn't to say that I'd tell them to anyone for no reason, because they are sensitive topics, but if I'm asked, I will discuss it.
But I'm not ashamed of this sexual fantasy, that personal act, that desire, that piece of porn, that lost friendship, that grudge, that curiosity. I don't share it all because I do maintain a sense of TMI, a sense of personal distance and privacy. But the stuff I don't share for a reason, because I think it might scare y'all, drives me crazy with the urge to tell someone, so I tell my friends in foreign countries and confess it anonymously to websites, if it comes down to that. I'm not ashamed. I just don't want to weird anyone out.
And if someone asks, because they are curious, because they want to know, then their negative responses are their own responsibility. Since I don't secretly rape infants or, hell, even want to—and nothing of similar real repercussions or immorality—my secrets, no matter how quirky, are harmless. If they weird out the listener, then the listener has the closed mind, they hold the real shame.
What is it that these people do or think that makes them so scared of themselves? What social constructs, what rules do they live by that makes them feel like they have to be ashamed of themselves? Hell, yes, it's embarrassing, but it shouldn't be so fucking embarrassing or interesting that people would deny cash for it or make a TV show about it.
I simply fail to comprehend.
This especially confuses me because one of the more common LJ memes is something along the line of "ask me a question, any question, no matter how personal, and I will answer it." That, and truth and dare—why are we so anxious to spill our guts if we find it so shameful?
And in that vein, and out of curiosity, I'll entertain just the same. If you have a personal question for me, or more than one question, on any topic, no matter how sensitive, ask it here and I will try to answer. This post is unlocked because I am not ashamed; depending on possible questions, my responses may be screened so that only the asker receives them, because I ain't getting paid. (I doubt I'll do as much, but I reserve the right.)
I support open communication. I welcome the communication. If you would like to know me better, then I am happy to help you. The questions don't have to be embarrassing, in fact—anything you've ever wondered, I'm happy to answer that too. But in all cases, your response to my answer is your responsibility. I don't expect cheers and praises for my failings, but I expect those that care for me to accept me, and as for the rest—if I am not ashamed, why should you be?
