juushika

Engaging with old posts is totally A-okay!

Yeah, my feelings about this issue of actual vs manufactured image of self-as-cat haven't changed, although I have grown more ... equanimical about the whole thing. The elements which are "felt" (fur length/texture, experience with bodily traits) haven't changed at all - that's just 100% who I am, and my understanding of my cat identity has always been pretty static. The elements that I've adopted, projected, and assumed (coloration etc) also haven't changed, by my relationship with them has: just by virtue of continuing to use them, they've come to feel more natural, more innate even though they definitely aren't intrinsic. It's been productive for breaking down prejudices I had about voluntary nonhuman identities and the way that orange cat is me has been an avenue of exploring cat-as-gender, both of which I mentioned in this post. So, in my experience at least, fake it until you make it has been a viable strategy.

I have a big folder of images that I add to every year or so by scrubbing Flickr and other image sites for "long haired cat" and 'fluffy cat", etc. I use them as desktop backgrounds that randomize each day, and that sort of "it me!!!" feeling every time I sit down at my PC is affirming and grounding. And seeing what images end up in that folder is ... interesting! Insightful! A lot of fluffy orange cats, obviously, but I sometimes make a fluffy-exception for the right fur/eye color combo and more often make an orange exception for fluffy tabbies of other coloring (usually brown or calico). And the former still feels like aesthetics, and the later still feels more "real." But I love the diversity it creates, and the room it gives me to experiment with my cat-body.