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juushikaso we're ... starting house buying in earnest? to have finished the stressful "arrange money; attain loan agent" and the somewhat more arbitrary "find a realtor" (we went with the lady that I found via tiny regional life/housing in Olympia YouTube videos that I used when researching Olympia itself. and they must also be effective advertizing, because she was the first name we thought of! and she was so easy to get ahold of and left a good positive first impression, unlike any of the others we called. so YouTube lady it is; it only seems like the lazy choice, you see.)—anyway all of that does feel like an accomplishment, although when I say "we" did this what I mean is that I did most of the research and Devon did all of legwork.
but to have accomplished that and now, officially, be in the stage not of preparing or of browsing homes to understand the region/market/what sort of home we'd want to own, but to be in the stage of active searching, of "if I find the right house I can turn around and tell my realtor and maybe start the whole process of buying" is uhhhhhh surreal and incredibly fucking stressful. it means suddenly knowing the difference between "maybe this would work/maybe I could make these compromises" and "I will spend a ton of money on this specific house and then, like, live there? I guess?" Devon remind me that the realtor's literal job is to be a middleman to field questions and concerns about a property, because listings are just so garbage. I don't care if your 3D tour or floor plan is accurate really; I know they're expensive and that's why you want to avoid them; but literally I cannot tell how these rooms connect to one another so, please, I'm begging, give me something. when buying from out of state you can't just pop by a quick open house. so that's what a realtor is for! but it's like someone just said "let me know if you need anything!" to which the only correct response is "I have an anxiety disorder so I will never, ever ask for help on literally anything." but even if I do step forward with "I am 95% sure we want this specific house, let's start that process" it will still require requesting help from someone, so fuck me I guess.
I don't like it, it's not fun window shopping anymore, it's an active decision, a big decision, requiring interacting with others and spending a lot of money. that's bad.
⁂
anyway, feelings-vent in Toki Pona on approximately these same things, written last night. particular thoughts:
mi as universal first person pronoun, that is to say, including both singular & plural, is especially productive here. it's possible to specify we [mi mute = many mi] but not necessary; it's already part of mi. and eliding the things I did/the things me and my partner did to enable the thing I/we can do now gives me a sense of ownership & accomplishment. see above caveat re: research vs legwork: "mi" consolidates that. money stuff is really hard for me, really this whole process is "things specifically where I have no confidence and feel like I have little agency." so anything that keeps me grounded is helpful.
still-evolving thoughts about "ike" as bad/negative vs complicated/complex because the ike part of house hunting is pretty equally "this [spending big dollar on big investment] is innately stressful" and "it requires learning things and talking to people and making arrangements that are complicated, effortful, and therefore bad". ike and pona are not antonyms but the extent to which pona is that which has a pona-fying effect feels true re: ike. ike is that which ike-fies; complication and complexity are not innately ike but when their effect is negative then they are part of ike's semantic field.
⁂
tenpo suno ni la mi open alasa esun e tomo. jan olin mi en mi li toki e esun tomo lon tenpo mute. taso esun tomo li ike mute li wile e tenpo mute e wawa mute. mi wile sona e mani mi. pini ni la mi alasa e jan pi pana mani. pini ni a la mi alasa e jan pi esun tomo.
tenpo ni la mi pini e pali ni ale a. mi pilin lape li pilin wawa ala.
taso mi wile esun e tomo la mi wile awen pali mute. ike a.
mi lukin e tomo mute lon tenpo ni. lukin ni li pilin ante e lukin lon tenpo pini. mi ken ala esun e tomo lon tenpo pini. tan ni la lukin ni li pilin musi lili. taso tenpo ni la mi ken esun. mi pini alasa e tomo pona la mi wile toki tawa jan pi esun tomo. mi wile sona e wile mi. mi wile toki tawa jan mute e ni: mi wile esun e tomo ni. pini la mi wile esun kepeken mani mute. ale ni li monsuta tawa mi a.
jan olin mi en mi li pali mute la mi ken esun. ni li pona tawa mi. mi pilin suli. mi pilin pona.
taso mi pilin ni kin: mi awen pali mute lon tenpo kama. ni li ike mute. mi ken ala pini pali tan seme? mi wile e ni:
tenpo suno kama mute lili la mi pini lape. jan olin mi li lon poka mi. ona li toki: "toki! pona a! mi pini esun e tomo. tomo ni li pona mute. ona li lon poka tomo lipu li lon poka tomo moku li lon poka ma kasi kin. selo ona li kule li pimeja. lupa ona li suli. anpa ona li kasi kiwen. tomo lape ona li kama pona mute tawa sina. mi en sina li tawa li kama lon tomo li awen li pini pali. a! ni li pona ala pona?"
ike la mi pilin ni lon tenpo mute. mi wile lape lon tenpo mute li pini lape li kama sona e ni: ale li pini. wile ni li nasa tan ni: pali li lon tenpo ale. taso pali pi tenpo pini en pali pi tenpo ni li suli a li wile wawa mute a. mi lili. wawa lili li lon insa mi. mi ken pini pali lon tenpo seme.
ante la tenpo suno ni li pona kin. mi weka e jaki tan tomo moku mi. tomo mi li kama pona. jan olin mi li toki tawa jan mute. ona li toki tawa jan pi esun tomo. ona toki tawa jan pi tawa poki li toki: o pona e poki weka. ona li musi e musi pi sitelen tawa. nimi musi li "Dishonored". mi lukin e ona lon tenpo pini. ona li pona tawa mi. mi pali e ko pan kepeken ilo wawa. ilo wawa li monsuta tawa mi. taso mi pali kepeken ona la mi pali lon tenpo lili. ale li pona. mi en jan olin mi li pona kin. mi awen pilin lape a. taso ale li pona.
but to have accomplished that and now, officially, be in the stage not of preparing or of browsing homes to understand the region/market/what sort of home we'd want to own, but to be in the stage of active searching, of "if I find the right house I can turn around and tell my realtor and maybe start the whole process of buying" is uhhhhhh surreal and incredibly fucking stressful. it means suddenly knowing the difference between "maybe this would work/maybe I could make these compromises" and "I will spend a ton of money on this specific house and then, like, live there? I guess?" Devon remind me that the realtor's literal job is to be a middleman to field questions and concerns about a property, because listings are just so garbage. I don't care if your 3D tour or floor plan is accurate really; I know they're expensive and that's why you want to avoid them; but literally I cannot tell how these rooms connect to one another so, please, I'm begging, give me something. when buying from out of state you can't just pop by a quick open house. so that's what a realtor is for! but it's like someone just said "let me know if you need anything!" to which the only correct response is "I have an anxiety disorder so I will never, ever ask for help on literally anything." but even if I do step forward with "I am 95% sure we want this specific house, let's start that process" it will still require requesting help from someone, so fuck me I guess.
I don't like it, it's not fun window shopping anymore, it's an active decision, a big decision, requiring interacting with others and spending a lot of money. that's bad.
⁂
anyway, feelings-vent in Toki Pona on approximately these same things, written last night. particular thoughts:
mi as universal first person pronoun, that is to say, including both singular & plural, is especially productive here. it's possible to specify we [mi mute = many mi] but not necessary; it's already part of mi. and eliding the things I did/the things me and my partner did to enable the thing I/we can do now gives me a sense of ownership & accomplishment. see above caveat re: research vs legwork: "mi" consolidates that. money stuff is really hard for me, really this whole process is "things specifically where I have no confidence and feel like I have little agency." so anything that keeps me grounded is helpful.
still-evolving thoughts about "ike" as bad/negative vs complicated/complex because the ike part of house hunting is pretty equally "this [spending big dollar on big investment] is innately stressful" and "it requires learning things and talking to people and making arrangements that are complicated, effortful, and therefore bad". ike and pona are not antonyms but the extent to which pona is that which has a pona-fying effect feels true re: ike. ike is that which ike-fies; complication and complexity are not innately ike but when their effect is negative then they are part of ike's semantic field.
⁂
tenpo suno ni la mi open alasa esun e tomo. jan olin mi en mi li toki e esun tomo lon tenpo mute. taso esun tomo li ike mute li wile e tenpo mute e wawa mute. mi wile sona e mani mi. pini ni la mi alasa e jan pi pana mani. pini ni a la mi alasa e jan pi esun tomo.
tenpo ni la mi pini e pali ni ale a. mi pilin lape li pilin wawa ala.
taso mi wile esun e tomo la mi wile awen pali mute. ike a.
mi lukin e tomo mute lon tenpo ni. lukin ni li pilin ante e lukin lon tenpo pini. mi ken ala esun e tomo lon tenpo pini. tan ni la lukin ni li pilin musi lili. taso tenpo ni la mi ken esun. mi pini alasa e tomo pona la mi wile toki tawa jan pi esun tomo. mi wile sona e wile mi. mi wile toki tawa jan mute e ni: mi wile esun e tomo ni. pini la mi wile esun kepeken mani mute. ale ni li monsuta tawa mi a.
jan olin mi en mi li pali mute la mi ken esun. ni li pona tawa mi. mi pilin suli. mi pilin pona.
taso mi pilin ni kin: mi awen pali mute lon tenpo kama. ni li ike mute. mi ken ala pini pali tan seme? mi wile e ni:
tenpo suno kama mute lili la mi pini lape. jan olin mi li lon poka mi. ona li toki: "toki! pona a! mi pini esun e tomo. tomo ni li pona mute. ona li lon poka tomo lipu li lon poka tomo moku li lon poka ma kasi kin. selo ona li kule li pimeja. lupa ona li suli. anpa ona li kasi kiwen. tomo lape ona li kama pona mute tawa sina. mi en sina li tawa li kama lon tomo li awen li pini pali. a! ni li pona ala pona?"
ike la mi pilin ni lon tenpo mute. mi wile lape lon tenpo mute li pini lape li kama sona e ni: ale li pini. wile ni li nasa tan ni: pali li lon tenpo ale. taso pali pi tenpo pini en pali pi tenpo ni li suli a li wile wawa mute a. mi lili. wawa lili li lon insa mi. mi ken pini pali lon tenpo seme.
ante la tenpo suno ni li pona kin. mi weka e jaki tan tomo moku mi. tomo mi li kama pona. jan olin mi li toki tawa jan mute. ona li toki tawa jan pi esun tomo. ona toki tawa jan pi tawa poki li toki: o pona e poki weka. ona li musi e musi pi sitelen tawa. nimi musi li "Dishonored". mi lukin e ona lon tenpo pini. ona li pona tawa mi. mi pali e ko pan kepeken ilo wawa. ilo wawa li monsuta tawa mi. taso mi pali kepeken ona la mi pali lon tenpo lili. ale li pona. mi en jan olin mi li pona kin. mi awen pilin lape a. taso ale li pona.
