juushika: A black and white photo of an ink pen. (Writing)
Title: The Gift of an Enemy
Author: Sylvia
Published: Everett: Teeny Gozer Production, 1998
Rating: 2 of 5
Page Count: 139 of 278
Total Page Count: 129,810
Text Number: 379
Read Because: fan of The X-Files, available here
Review: Departing canon at 4.9 "Terma," Mulder returns to his apartment to find Krycek there—a goodwill gift from aliens willing to possess Krycek and read and reveal his secrets. With no other choice, Mulder takes Krycek with him to an investigate a new case where a rash of disappearances may be tied to a group of witches. The Gift of an Enemy has the right components, but they never come together as a successful whole. It's psychologically motivated, ascribing both protagonists a slew of reasonable mental health issues but giving them symptoms that stray too far from canon; the romance is similarly motivated and unconvincing, a product of long-repressed desires and conflicted, soul-searching inner monologues—well-intended, but overdrawn and overblown. Mulder's point of view is the failing point: his characterization hits just left of the mark, and while the time spent in his head should be fascinating it instead strips all tension from the text. I wanted to and almost enjoyed this; there's a decent casefile developing and the writing is well-edited if not tight, but The Gift of an Enemy has lost my interest and I won't finish it, nor do I recommend it.

Only moderately embarrassed to treat failed fanfic as a novel but then it was published as a fanzine, so ... so.
juushika: Photograph of the torso and legs of a female-bodied figure with a teddy bear. (Bear)
Title: Lovers (North-West Passage Book 2)
Author: Torch
Published: 1997
Rating: 4 of 5
Page Count: 278
Total Page Count: 129,168
Text Number: 376
Read Because: continuing the series and fan of The X-Files, available here
Review: As a favor to a former college, Mulder goes to San Francisco in search of a serial killer, only to discover that the killer's motives may be connected to the Syndicate—and that Krycek is already on the case. Lovers is a stronger showing than its predecessor, still flawed but more than adequately absorbing. It dumps Krycek's point of view, a necessary but almost regrettable change; where Ghosts belonged to Krycek, this is Mulder's story—and Mulder is an underwhelming protagonist with indistinct characterization. A strong plot and cast of original characters grounds the text and Scully ties it back to the source material, but still something seems lacking. As a romance it veers towards belabored and melodramatic, but there's something captivating at the core of this relationship: less a push and pull between Mulder and Krycek, the conflict in Lovers is within Mulder himself; and while Mulder fails to be remarkable, his attempts to navigate conflicting desires can be. Lovers has objective flaws, but it was just what I wanted to read at just this time; I can't recommend it, but wouldn't discourage the interested reader.
juushika: Photograph of the torso and legs of a female-bodied figure with a teddy bear. (Bear)
Title: Ghosts (North-West Passage Book 1)
Author: Torch
Published: 1997
Rating: 3 of 5
Page Count: 202
Total Page Count: 128,393
Text Number: 374
Read Because: fan of The X-Files, available here and here
Review: Departing canon at 4.9 "Terma," Krycek comes back to America and to blackmail Mulder into visiting the small town of Leyden Creek—but to his surprise, Mulder and Scully are already being sent there to investigate fatal car crashes purportedly caused by ghosts. This is a rocky but not wholly unsuccessful story. It hops disorientatingly between Mulder's third person point of view and Kyrcek's overwrought first person narrative—one that almost suits the character's atmosphere of gothic tragedy, but trespasses too often into the absurd. It succeeds and fails on its basis as a Krycek character study: at best, it highlights the conflict between Krycek's actions and his implied desire for acceptance; at worst, it humanizes him too much, overlooking what makes him a successful antagonist. As much casefile as romance, the plot is a believable but unremarkable addition to The X-Files mythos; a focus on acts of daily sustenance give it an intensely personal atmosphere, but this is in conflict with Leyden's unconvincing residents. The romance, meanwhile, indulges more angst than sex; it's a slow, conflicted burn. I don't recommend Ghosts outright—it's compelling but melodramatic, tightly written but still an amateur effort—but I will eventually move on to its sequel.

(I reached that part in The X-Files where I was like hey I think I need some Krycek fics now and so I'm going through some of the big beefy classics, and yes I will post them as book reviews if I so choose.)
juushika: A black and white photo of an ink pen. (Writing)
I more or less intentionally saved Big Windup for a time just like now. A few years ago, I read enough of it to know that it was absurdly up my alley—but in one of those embarrassingly indulgent ways which, for me, is better watched than read, because watching is more passive and therefore lines up well with embarrassing indulgences. But I knew that one day (when Hulu or a similar service finally had the sub, and I was in a truly rotten state of mind and needed some sort of pure pleasure to drag me though) I would watch it, and love it; and I do.

Sports anime are one of my weaknesses, with a loose definition of "sports" that includes tennis and martial arts and cars that go zoom. Their pacing is addicting, with as many horrible cliffhanger episodes as there are hugely satisfying victories—and since they usually have massive casts and a ridiculous number of episodes, they're the gift which keeps on giving (no really you just cannot make them stop). They mix just enough fascinating detail with plenty of absurdity, and things like using a gutter to hug a corner or a pitcher with a nine-quadrant strike zone become, so help me, cool. And there's conflict and company: conflict between teams, conflict between players, conflict because the true battle is the one against yourself; bonding between teammates, the love/hate camaraderie of well-matched opponents, and the love a player has for his sport. At my heart I care most about relationships and motivations, and sports anime are rich in both: they are about who we fight and why. It's popcorn watchability mixed with surprisingly complex blow by blows; it leads to characters like Vegeta (king prince of relationships and motivations) and scenes like Takumi crying when his engine blows because he has come to love that car and this sport just that much.

Big Windup is the distillation of sports anime. The manga is still running and the show—at less that 30 episodes (aaaaah no I'm more than halfway through)—is literally condensed: prodigy protagonist front and center, tears everywhere and it's all about the love of the game, your biggest rival is yourself and your biggest ally is the teammate that will carry you to glory. In fact, it's embarassing—embarassing in the same way that the BBC Sherlock is embarrassing: it's so self-aware and shameless as to be insulting. Did you ever notice how very clever Sherlockain mysteries are? would you notice it if we painted all the details in CG overlays and/or had John constantly compliment Sherlock's brilliance? Did you catch that Sherlock and John have this intense friendship going on? would you catch it if we made a comment about how gay it is to strip off one another's clothing in a closed swimming pool at night? Well yes, thank you you idiotic little show, I had actually noticed but—don't stop. The desperate cleverness, the stupid 'ship teasing, it works because it's what you're there for; you feel insulted, but perversely fulfilled.

Well, asks Big Windup, did you notice that this particular match was intense or that Mihashi is so moe you teeth hurt or that everything about Mihashi's relationship with Abe could be construed as romantic? would you notice if we—YES THANK YOU, thank you Big Windup for your incredible subtlety, but so help me if I did not cheer when they won their first game, and if Mihashi is not the cutest thing, and if his relationships (with his sport, with his catcher, with his team) doesn't push every single button on my id except the one that's labeled "subtext" because there is no sub here, guys: it's just text.

And bless, unlike the unnaturally developed "middle schoolers" of Prince of Tennis, these kids actually look and are high school freshmen, complete with ill-timed references to masturbation.

Anyway, Devon had to leave early to prep for a big meeting on Monday, and I'm still pretty much tied together with string, so if you need me I'll be over here narrating baseball matches to my cat. And man, they are awesome matches—even when yes, and I saw it coming, saw it from a mile away, they end the episode with the start of Mihashi's first goddamn pitch.

Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today!
juushika: A black and white photo of an ink pen. (Writing)
I warn you that all that follows is pretty self-centered, angry, and immature, interspersed with vague gestures in the directions of Deep Thoughts. Also it's more or less about Homestuck. Read at your own risk.

I have a friend that has to blacklist a lot of media because they internalize it, take it personally, get sad over sad stuff and heartsick over romantic stuff. Of course it doesn't make sense to consume media you don't appreciate or enjoy, but I tend to think this is an extreme reaction; to be honest, I think they should get over themselves, and that taking it all so personally shows a certain amount of self-centered immaturity. But I just finished reading what so far exists of Brainbent, a Homestuck AU set in a residental mental health treatment center, and hey would you look at that: there's stuff that I take too personally, and most of it has to do with mental health and illness.

It's not the only thing I take too personally. I hate cats in popular media, because their representations are inaccurate clichés and I would know—and for the same reason that I know, it's a personal issue and I hate to see it butchered, over and over again. It's akin to someone making a mockery of me. Sometimes representations of mental illness trigger the same disgust, as well they should—even it means I'm getting mad over another goddamn saccharine advertisement where depression is symbolized by some sort of cute blob. Fuck you, Abilify, because no it doesn't feel like *sadface* and a cute little animated hole in the ground, and patronizing to me will not convince me to shove that or any other medication down my throat. It's a personal bias—because what medications I tried didn't work for me, and I don't have the faith or energy to find the ones that do—which I shouldn't project onto others—like those with the need of and resources to find effective medication, who should be able to make that search without my judgement or doubt—and so I'll admit to being selfish and short-sighted, but the anger is still pretty righteous.

But that's not what Brainbent does. It leans a little saccharine, or at least feel-good; it has competent doctors and respects patient rights; in short, it's a best possible situation with the best intentions: to provide a heartfelt and helpful story about living with and recovering from mental illness, instead of dwelling in the horrors of lack of recovery or corrupt mental health systems. But on the whole it approaches its characters and their illnesses with knowledge and respect, fetishizing their diversity just a touch but managing to be accessible and hopeful and real.

And you know what, I still don't care.

It's not righteous indignation at this point: it's bitterness. It's me reading it at the wrong time, and taking it too personally; contrasting the resources of St. Lobaf Residential Treatment Center residents against oh wait I have none, contrasting mod's promise of a happy ending or at least that residents won't be left in misery against oh wait I don't have that either, contrasting any sort of it gets better against fuck you. Of course it's a stupid reaction, and two weeks ago I probably wouldn't be such an idiot about it; but one week ago I started a steady descent towards feeling like shit—because there's some minor real world stress going on, because my brain is really damn good at feeling like shit, and for no other reason—and so I don't identify or think it's useful or find it hopeful; I think it's trite, and that anyone who can be helped doesn't have it all that bad, and that anyone with hope is a fool.

And look at me all self-centered, immature, and did I mention an asshole?

No deep thoughts here, no conclusion. This isn't a recommendation for or against Brainbent—I found it compelling enough to read the whole thing (even if I probably shouldn't've), but I just can't pretend any sort of objectivity. Nor is this a condemnation of [livejournal.com profile] junkmail, who recommended the AU—I warned her that I might have this reaction, and that the reaction is all me and says nothing at all about it, and that if there's any fault in my anger it's my own because I just should have put it down until I was feeling better. It's just a realization that I too can have such an arbitrary and selfish reaction, and that in fact I often do, and that to be honest I'm just ... not doing that well right now. This is a roundabout PSA that I'm about one week of anxiety/nightmares/depression/dizzy spells, and a repeat realization that perhaps I'll never be able to find the distance I need in order to not internalize this stuff—because even these years later, I'm still too deep in it.

But Devon is here for the weekend, snoring on my bed while I try to figure out if I'm still boycotting sleep. August is in my lap, napping until I decide same. It's not as bad as my unrighteous indignation would suggest. It's just not awesome, either, sometimes, to be me.

Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today! Adopt one today!
juushika: A black and white photo of an ink pen. (Writing)
Everything about my responses to fiction I learned from reading Homestuck: That I can care about a big cast, especially when background characters are given stealth characterization; that the right sort of characterization can redeem even the worst character; that unusual storytelling devices can be even more immersive than normal ones, because they are more visible, demanding, and—when successful—convincing; that second-person narratives are a particularly potent unusual and immersive storytelling device; that self-awareness treads a delicate line, but when it stays balanced it allows for a story to get away with the outrageous and achieve the affecting; that there is indeed media out there that suits my sense of humor (excepting Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff); and most of all, that:

I form two major connections to characters: emotional, and intellectual. These rarely overlap. I understand and sympathize with Vriska, who is aware of and confident in her internal morality—effectively amorality—but can't shake the lingering regret that this morality distances her from society, despite the fact that her regret directly conflicts with her awareness and confidence. In other words: she's a monster without regrets, except that she has regrets. I understand the anxiety of conflict between identity and community, I sympathize, I grok her if you will; but I don't obsess about her as a character, despite her fascinating role in the story, despite what we share. The bond is purely intellectual.

Meanwhile, I do obsess over Karkat. I don't identify much with his personality (even our respective self-hatreds have different grounds), although I think he's adorable; I do latch on to his obsession with relationships. I understand and share his attempt to approach intellectually what falls largely under the jurisdiction of emotion, and the potential and limitations he creates in that attempt fascinate me. He turns every relationship—his own and otherwise—into a meta-relationship, dooming it to failure in his constant attempts to comprehend and define it, pretending a certain distance from its development and eventual destruction on account of his intellectual interest, but betraying intense emotional need in his unflagging obsession with the issue. It appeals to my shared fascination with the topic, and sympathetic pitfalls of the same, and gives me everything I look for in a character: intense and troubled social interactions, in which the most intense and troubled may actually be the interaction with oneself. He's my ship and shipper in one convenient package, with the bonus analysis that I demand or else create myself; he has a mainline to my id, and that's what it takes to make me obsess over a character.

Discovering that distinction explains so much.

Homestuck also taught me that I've been waiting for quadrants my entire life. That's almost trite given fandom's obsession with the same, but quadrants are essentially a canonical institution for unusually intimate relationships, which is my primary interest in any media (oh hi Karkat, I see our kinship again). They're not perfect, but they're a breath of a fresh air and a promising start.
juushika: A black and white photo of an ink pen. (Writing)
Oh hey look it's that episode where Vegeta's forehead is THIS BIG.

Rewatching DBZ has been immensely enjoyable thus far—for the chance to see it all in a row, instead of with missing episodes and a time skip (given that I've never been good at catching things as they air, and was moving between nations when it did air); for the chance to see it without editing, in Japanese, and elsewise in the way that I think it should be; to discover and rediscover the characters. I find I'm coming away liking most of everyone, which is incredible. In the past, Vegeta is what I came here for and most everyone else was incidental, but this time I'm impressed to find that everyone is surprisingly awesome, as the main cast is concerned (there's some questionable villains, but what can you do).

And as much as I appreciate the whole cast, to my great pleasure and relief I find Vegeta still has my heart of hearts. This matters. If I'm entirely honest, I put off rewatching the show because I was afraid I'd find that my lifelong obsession with Vegeta was nothing more than a 16-year-old's fantasy trumped up to nostalgic idolization, and that the actual character was ... well, not deserving of all that. Because Vegeta's always been my darling, you see, in ways I rarely talk about because no one wants to see such unrepentant fanning. He's always been my favorite of favorites, the character I wrote fic and essays about, the character I empathized with and admired, the character I loved in a way that "love" is not an exaggeration and yes, I know, that's silly. But you know what, he deserves it. I'm not saying that he should be everyone's darling, but he's proudly mine: he is as enjoyable and compelling and conflicted and complex as I remember, he's badass and beat-up and I love and admire him both ways. I feel like ... I've reunited with my high school sweetheart to find that it wasn't all a poor-remembered adolescent fantasy: he is as amazing as I remember but here, existent, and still wonderful now.

Except of course that the show is never quite sure how tall he is or how big his hair is or how INCREDIBLY OVERSIZED his forehead is. This isn't really a drawback. He's hardly the only one to suffer the whims of inconsistent art, and the quality improves and standardizes as the show goes on.

But today, I give you my beloved: Massive Forehead Man.
juushika: Drawing of a sleeping orange cat. (I should have been born a cat)
A picture meme, via [livejournal.com profile] honest_illusion, to take up a bit too much of my time:

*Post ten of any pictures currently on your hard drive that you think are self-expressive.

* No captions. It must be like we're speaking with images and we have to interpret your visual language just like we have to interpret your words.

* They must ALREADY be on your hard drive - no googling or flickr! They have to have been saved to your folders sometime in the past. They must be something you've saved there because it resonated with you for some reason.

* You do NOT have to answer any questions about any of your pictures if you don't want to. You can make them as mysterious as you like. Or you can explain them away as much as you like.




+9 pictures. Some large images, mild sexual and violent content. )

I'd have resized the large images, but it rather defeats the purpose in these specific cases. Some work is fanart for Lamento, Dragonball Z, Persona 4, Togainu no Chi, and Axis Powers Hetalia; some work is original. Source is provided where known. My picture folders have a very narrow focus (because I'm an anal-retentive completionist collector, so if the focus isn't narrow then the collection grows unmanageably large), so this is hardly the be-all, end-all of me—but it is a fair few of the parts of me that I explore via visual art.
juushika: Screen capture of the Farplane from Final Fantasy X: a surreal landscape of waterfalls and flowers. (Anime/Game)

Because my sense of it is so narrow, I'm not really one for humor. This comes as a great surprise, I know. Soul Eater's humor doesn't actively irritate me, however, and some of it is delightful—and I love the characters, and the show is so perfectly timed given my current autumn/Halloween obsession that I can't help but watch and enjoy it.

But behind the humor there's some rather miserable stuff. Kid's debilitating OCD. Crona's literal internal contradictions. There are some aspects which are played for laughs and emotional appeal (take, for example, Maka's relationships with Soul and with her father). If they weren't played for laughs, these other darker aspects would be outright disturbing and out of place. But I hope the show finds something serious and meaningful in them, somewhere along the way. Failing that, I'd love to see it somewhere in fandom*: a story about the real, detrimental, debilitating effects of Kid's neuroses, of why they exist and how he tries to control them, of how they control him; a look into what it means to be in Crona's head, Crona's body.

Because it was the above screenshot that lead me to finally watch the show (although, I admit, it was Kid's character design that drew it to my attention in the first place, and he is my absolute favorite)—

Because it is true, you know.

Hell is in here.

My mother was telling me about some documentary on emotions (This Emotional Life, maybe?), wherein one focus was people who worry over past events, and the emotional stress and strain that comes with that sort of thinking—and how weird the concept was, to her, that someone would do that. That is more than what I do—that is who I am. I actively fret and panic over events that occurred when I was a child, I relive experiences, I torment myself with little fragments of things I did wrong which the wronged have long forgotten—I think about these things obsessively, compulsively. And yes, it comes with significant emotional stress and strain.

Hell is in here, inside your head.

It doesn't take a show to tell me this (oh, believe me, I know!), but it is oddly satisfying to find it here, expressed in a way that makes me pause and nod, midst Halloween witches and glowing blue souls and swords with big red mouths on them. I'm more or less content with the balance between humor, plot, and emotional appeal that Soul Eater has thus far, but I treasure the moments like this—ones that capitalize on the humor to lull you into comfort, capitalize on the bizarre and exaggerated world in order to bring characters like this to life, and then, despite the laughs, despite the exaggeration: say something, mean something, and say something that means something to me.

* Although I don't have the energy to try to dig into that fandom, you see. I feel like this is a frequent problem: because I go all the way or not at all, I find it easier these days not to bother with fandom at all—and thus not lose entire months of my life. The downside is, of course, that I don't get anything out of fandom—including those things which I do still want.
juushika: Drawing of a sleeping orange cat. (I should have been born a cat)
I've been away.

Consuming media: Thanks to ever-incoming holds, I've been buried under books; I'm reading a lot—one wonderful, two good, and two mediocre—and very behind on book reviews (four, at latest count, two of which already had to go back to the library). Viva Pinata: Trouble in Paradise came out, and despite the problems that I have with it (increased difficulty, increased annoyance, increased bugs), I love the wealth of new content and have been wanting to build a brightly colored garden full of adorableness, so I've been sinking in a couple hours a day. I've begun watching Nana. I'm not a huge fan of the blatant continuous romance themes—but who cares? it's by the creator of Paradise Kiss and though I've not had the chance to read the manga, the characters are spectacular, the show is brilliant, and it's very moving. I still love Parakiss more, but Nana is a true joy.

(While we're talking anime and other things Japanese... I rarely participate in any fandom, at this point, but I still wear slasher's-goggles. That said: sometimes it is not me, it's really just the source material. It's you ... It's really you—VG Cats on Kingdom Hearts II, when Sora, Riku, and Kairi are reunited (spoilers, obviously). That scene made me cry, but dude, the gay is so real. The boat begins to crumble, and Eiji falls into Oishi's arms: a screenshot from the Prince to Tennis movie, which is entirely innocent but remains quite amusing, for that.)

Lying low: For no real reason—I've just been a bit low on energy and uninterested in most social interaction, and so I've been away from LJ/SL/email. This is natural, for me, perhaps a sign of fluctuating moods but not a cause for alarm. And with the glut of media to consume, I've had plenty to gain by retreating. Ironically, my IRL social life has been ... if not busy, then at least existent, these last few days. That is a rare change. I have been sleeping poorly, though, and am a bit inclined to stress ... but what else is new.

Loving BPAL: [livejournal.com profile] sisterite has begun an BPAL obsession after I sent her her first pack of imps as a birthday present, which has been a real joy to watch. I have smellies headed my way over the next few weeks, and I'm thrilled. [livejournal.com profile] sisterite is sending me some a birthday present, I have a bottle of Velvet on the way, there are Halloween decants creeping closer and closer, and I managed to grab two decants of Hod—it's a retired and rare scent which is rich, pure carnation; I never expected I'd be able to get my hands on it, and I'm thrilled that I did—and a decant of October (Dry, cold autumn wind. A rustle of red leaves, a touch of smoke and sap in the air.) which are coming to me from Australia. I've been cleaning out and updating my wishlist, too and retesting some scents I've been neglecting—frimps and others which I never made my mind up before. With the cooler weather coming, I've been falling back into wearing and indulging in the scents that I love, which are generally dark, deep, spiced, resinous, or otherwise best for cooler weather. So, yes. It's been a very good time for this obsession.
juushika: Screen capture of the Farplane from Final Fantasy X: a surreal landscape of waterfalls and flowers. (Anime/Game)
I haven't been around LiveJournal much lately, which isn't that big a deal but I suppose is worth noting at least to confirm that I've not died and become a book-reviews-only ghost. I just haven't felt like delving into the depths of my friend list for a while, but I will be back eventually. If I'm missing anything important—well, I am still checking comments, so feel free to leave me one and let me know if something big is going on. Other than that, I'll be back to regular posting and reading when I decide to come back to it.

Meanwhile, I've been watching a lot of Prince of Tennis. A bit of series info and pairings chatter under the cut. )
juushika: Screen capture of the Farplane from Final Fantasy X: a surreal landscape of waterfalls and flowers. (Anime/Game)
I just got squicked out of reading a fic when Harry Potter started snogging Gregory Goyle in order to show Draco Malfoy that two could play at this build-a-bad-threesome game. My tolerances are high. They are very, very high. But that, my friends, is too much for me. Bad enough that it was absurd. Worse that it was revolting.

Meanwhile.

In the world of much better fic, I come bearing a pair of recs: Nocturne for Quill and Ink and the sequel, Étude: A Lesson in Voice by [livejournal.com profile] pushdragon. Harry Potter: HP/DM, NC-17. Severely depressed Harry spends all day lost in old fantasies about Draco, in anticipation of the climactic moment of Draco's nightly homecoming.

I am, in a way, hesitant to make these recommendations because I want to keep my experience of reading them private. It was a personal and frankly terrifying experience to read them, because they strike so close to home. The details and the circumstances are unique to Harry's experience, but on a whole this is the best description of a severe depressive episode that I have read in a work of fiction. From his immobility to his self-inflicted ignorance to his dodged refusal to change, Harry's coping mechanisms (and the lack thereof) are honest, authentic, and very much parallel my own. Never have I seen an author write about depression so intimately and so honestly. To her credit, [livejournal.com profile] pushdragon does one better: not only does she faithfully portray depression, she also refuses to judge or to change Harry. She accepts every one of Harry's faults, even while exploring the negative effect that they have on him and his relationship. She does not make Harry emerge from the depression, blinking into the bright new light; she doesn't orchestrate a fairy-tale ending. That isn't to say that there is no change or no hope—in fact, change and hope are the precise purposes of the stories—but rather that the change and hope are ambiguous, uncertain, and incomplete. As a result, these stories are at once uplifting and depressing, and above all they are honest.

All that, and the style is strong, the characterization spot on, and the sex nuanced. The stories are skillful as well as meaningful, which makes the meaning all that much more accessible.

These were difficult pieces for me to read; I can't even imagine how they must have been to write. They create such an intimate and honest portrait that it can be a bit terrifying. I applaud [livejournal.com profile] pushdragon for her work, and though I want to hold these fics close to my heart, worry them and treasure them, and keep private the pieces of myself that I see within, they really are too good not to pass along. If you read any HP fic, I highly recommend this set. They are incredible. I'm glad that I stumbled across them.
juushika: A black and white photo of an ink pen. (Writing)
Today is the day of the fanfic. The reposts I mentioned are complete, after too many hours of editing epithets and adverbs from .txt files. I'm grouping the rest of these together, because they are technically reposts, and because they aren't as good as 'This is the world in its true form.'. Feel free to skip over them as it suits you, of course.

All of these stories are hosted at my FanFiction.Net account.

Title: The Bonded
Fandom: Dragonball Z
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: VegetaxGoku, TrunksxGoten
Summary: Years ago, Vegeta and Goku spent one intimate afternoon together. Now, in the wake of a newly revealed relationship between Trunks and Goten, they are drawn together again. This fanfic was originally published in 2001, and while it was popular then, it really no longer represents my skills as a writer. It has its good moments, and its painfully bad ones. I have done a cursory edit, but read at your own risk.
Word Count: 40,000
Warnings: Violence, explicit sex, moments of really bad writing, gratuitous sex scenes.

( The Bonded on FF.N )


Title: Conflict Made Flesh
Fandom: Dragonball Z
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: VegetaxMirai Trunks
Summary: The night after his first trip to the past, Mirai Trunks receives a visit from his father. This fic was originally posted in 2001, but it better stands the test of time.
Word Count: 3,000
Warnings: Incest, explicit sex.

( Conflict Made Flesh on FF.N )


Title: Desires Become Real
Fandom: Dragonball Z
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: VegetaxMirai Trunks
Summary: A sequel to Conflict Made Flesh. Mirai Trunks returns to the past and spends a year in the Room of Spirit and Time with Vegeta, prompting unexpected consequences. This fic was originally posted in 2001, but it better stands the test of time.
Word Count: 4,000
Warnings: Incest, explicit sex.

( Desires Become Real on FF.N )


I also posted A Beautiful Man (on LJ) (Gackt, PG-13, 800 words) and The Night Before (on LJ) (Gundam Wing, Alex/Mueller, NC-17, 1000 words, and this one is actually quite good) to FF.N.


The Bonded may be good for nothing more than a laugh, but still I wanted to get it online somewhere other than that old Geocities account where someone backed up for me—for posterity's sake, and in case someone wants to read it. Conflict Made Flesh and Desires Become Real are both, in my never humble opinion, actually not half bad. Although I wrote them some time ago, the subject is more interesting and the writing is much tighter and more polished. If you read DBZ fic and don't mind incest, you may even want to check them out.

I welcome reviews on everything, here or on FF.N, and if you do chose to read them, I hope you enjoy. Feel free to quote and ridicule the worst of The Bonded. Someone has to.

Aaaand... Me tired. Me go bed now. Sorry for the flist spamming. I promise I'm done.
juushika: Screen capture of the Farplane from Final Fantasy X: a surreal landscape of waterfalls and flowers. (Anime/Game)
Title: 'This is the world in its true form.'
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Riku/Roxas, slight Riku/Sora
Summary: A retelling of the second half of the battle between Riku and Roxas, just after Deep Dive/Another Side, Another Story. Riku defeats Roxas and then takes Roxas back to the mansion, to determine if Sora is truly somewhere inside him.
Word Count: 7,700
Warnings: Dubious-consent, swearing, explicit sex, channish, partial AU. Spoilers for Deep Dive/Another Side, Another Story and Kingdom Hearts II.

Riku knees Roxas in the chest, knocking him down. His shoulders hit the wall and it stops him, but Riku has climbed onto the bed, his knees on the outside of Roxas's thighs, his hand fisted again in Roxas's collar. He lifts his shoulders from the wall, then slams him back down so that his head hits it with a crack.

"I said," he says, "shut up." And then, as soft as two single drops of rain, he adds, "Sora."


( Read 'This is the world in its true form.' on FF.N )
The fic is posted on FanFiction.Net because I'm afraid of LiveJournal's new policies and TOS.

Or ( Read 'This is the world in its true form.' on LJ )
The fic is friendslocked because I'm afraid of LiveJournal's new policies and TOS.

X-posted here on [livejournal.com profile] khyaoi and here on [livejournal.com profile] rikuroku.

Feedback welcome anywhere. Enjoy!
juushika: A black and white photo of an ink pen. (Writing)
I'm reading fanfic again.

I'm writing fanfic again. (Just this one! ...Or maybe two. But they're oneshots! Then I'll stop, I swear!)

I'm editing (to fix the very worst) and reposting The Bonded on fanfiction.net. You know, The Bonded? The 40k word DBZ monstrosity that I wrote, um, six years ago.

I blame Kingdom Hearts.

On the Kingdom Hearts fic and The Bonded )

Want to read The Bonded? It's not completely reposted yet, but the edited and reposted chapters are here, on FF.N. (VegetaxGoku, GotenxTrunks, romance, angst, explicit sex between men [NC-17], multipart, complete.)

Want to read my Kingdom Hearts fanfic? I'll link to it when it's completed.

Want to read some great Kingdom Hearts fanfic? Check out Rare Birds by [livejournal.com profile] kokanshu (Axel/Roxas, swearing, explicit sex between men [NC-17], some dark themes, oneshot, plot accurate). It is without doubt the best KH fanfic I've run across since delving back into this fandom. The characters are spot on, the voice is clever, the plot and character interaction is delicate and brilliant, and the sex is ridiculously amazing—tactile, intentional, and perfect for the story and the characters. I can't recommend this too highly. Read it!
juushika: Drawing of a sleeping orange cat. (Slytherin)
I just finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows. What follows are therefore my first incoherent thoughts and immediate impressions. SPOILERS, OH SO MANY SPOILERS.

Deathly Hollows Thoughts. )
juushika: Drawing of a sleeping orange cat. (Slytherin)
Been putting off writing this for I am the lazy, ergo it shall be sweet and short. Unless my predictions are exceedingly accurate, this is of course spoiler free. I write this only for my own benefit, so that when I say "I knew it!" I can point to this and say "I really did!".

My predictions for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows )I'm picking up my copy of Dealthy Hollows in the calm after the storm: first thing tomorrow morning. (I've been to three opening parties, and what I really care about is the book, not the people.) Surprise of surprises, I'm not touching LJ or really the rest of the internet, probably including the comments to this post, until I've finished reading the book (probably twice). Ergo, I shall be thankfully spoiler free. Yay!

Oh, and in other news, I am writing a book.

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