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juushikaTitle: You're Weren't Meant to Be Human
Author: Andrew Joseph White
Published: S&S/Saga Press, 2025
Rating: 4.5 of 5
Page Count: 335
Total Page Count: 566,875
Text Number: 2146
Read Because: can't remember where I found this one!, borrowed from Multnomah Public Library
Review: An autistic trans man's life has been some version of fine, living with his violent not-boyfriend and working at one of the hives' podunk fronts—until he discovers that he's pregnant, and the hive wants him to keep it. I can't read pregnancy stories, even as horror; but pushed this far, it wraps right back to compelling. I wish it had gone further; there's a few "no, he wouldn't" moments were ... White doesn't, and I've been reading a lot of Porpentine Charity Heartscape and so while I am cheering with pompoms for books about dirty nasty belligerent body horror I've also been spoiled by dirtier and nastier; and the ending does go there, but wants a few extra pages out of a fairly short novel to expand on the consequences.
But, frankly? Frankly, who cares for nitpicks. Icky-nasty, lit by a virulent but complicated and dynamic anger, this rips the private into public space. I'm an id-first reader, and this butts against fetish/fandom tropes in the best way, and then enriches the id with anxiety: the unsublimated, conscious edges of desire and disgust. Fantastic reading experience, devoured it, would read again.
I probably wouldn't have read this because pregnancy, but I wrote Within the Escape from Fear is the Thing You Fear, a barnacle parasite/forced pregnancy fic for Consent Issues Exchange 2025, as ... you do ...; the prompt came up as a pinch hit & then took on a life of its own re: a nonbinary protagonist which invalidated it as a gift, but I loved writing it. Partially as an exercise in pastiching Porpentine Charity Heartscape's voice, particularly in Cunt Towards Enemy and a little bit of 18 Foot Leash, not because the prompt called for it but because the content did & I was deep down a rabbithole & exploring how & why that voice worked for me; no better learning exercise than to copy it-ish! But also because the prompt itself compelled me in the same way as You're Weren't Meant to Be Human. Where's the dividing line between "that's a trigger, so no" and "that's a trigger, so yes?"—no clue but that extremity helps. Further, push through, wrap around. Anyway, so starting this was an uncomfortable echo that hooked me despite myself, and yay! because I loved it!
Porpentine is a touchstone that keeps touching—all recent work, mine & others, in reference to theirs. I'm doing a better than typical job, this year, of diving into the thing I think I'll love; not letting fear of that too-much response, of overstimulation and overwhelm, push me away. Serious Weakness, "mulberry down!!", My Loose Thread, The Summer Hikaru Died, Claustrophilia and Psychostasis, Querelle of Brest, Of Thunder & Lightning, writing the end of Cai's story, and still it's only March. These things are related.
Author: Andrew Joseph White
Published: S&S/Saga Press, 2025
Rating: 4.5 of 5
Page Count: 335
Total Page Count: 566,875
Text Number: 2146
Read Because: can't remember where I found this one!, borrowed from Multnomah Public Library
Review: An autistic trans man's life has been some version of fine, living with his violent not-boyfriend and working at one of the hives' podunk fronts—until he discovers that he's pregnant, and the hive wants him to keep it. I can't read pregnancy stories, even as horror; but pushed this far, it wraps right back to compelling. I wish it had gone further; there's a few "no, he wouldn't" moments were ... White doesn't, and I've been reading a lot of Porpentine Charity Heartscape and so while I am cheering with pompoms for books about dirty nasty belligerent body horror I've also been spoiled by dirtier and nastier; and the ending does go there, but wants a few extra pages out of a fairly short novel to expand on the consequences.
But, frankly? Frankly, who cares for nitpicks. Icky-nasty, lit by a virulent but complicated and dynamic anger, this rips the private into public space. I'm an id-first reader, and this butts against fetish/fandom tropes in the best way, and then enriches the id with anxiety: the unsublimated, conscious edges of desire and disgust. Fantastic reading experience, devoured it, would read again.
I probably wouldn't have read this because pregnancy, but I wrote Within the Escape from Fear is the Thing You Fear, a barnacle parasite/forced pregnancy fic for Consent Issues Exchange 2025, as ... you do ...; the prompt came up as a pinch hit & then took on a life of its own re: a nonbinary protagonist which invalidated it as a gift, but I loved writing it. Partially as an exercise in pastiching Porpentine Charity Heartscape's voice, particularly in Cunt Towards Enemy and a little bit of 18 Foot Leash, not because the prompt called for it but because the content did & I was deep down a rabbithole & exploring how & why that voice worked for me; no better learning exercise than to copy it-ish! But also because the prompt itself compelled me in the same way as You're Weren't Meant to Be Human. Where's the dividing line between "that's a trigger, so no" and "that's a trigger, so yes?"—no clue but that extremity helps. Further, push through, wrap around. Anyway, so starting this was an uncomfortable echo that hooked me despite myself, and yay! because I loved it!
Porpentine is a touchstone that keeps touching—all recent work, mine & others, in reference to theirs. I'm doing a better than typical job, this year, of diving into the thing I think I'll love; not letting fear of that too-much response, of overstimulation and overwhelm, push me away. Serious Weakness, "mulberry down!!", My Loose Thread, The Summer Hikaru Died, Claustrophilia and Psychostasis, Querelle of Brest, Of Thunder & Lightning, writing the end of Cai's story, and still it's only March. These things are related.
