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juushikaI took Tramadol last night. I know you're anxious to be updated each time I swallow a pill, but Tramadol is such a rare and unique experience that it always seems worth recording. My back pain had been building for a number of days this time, stemming from nothing in particular but compounded by my menstrual cycle, and it had gotten so bad that I was simply miserable. I forget, too often, that pain makes me thus, mentally as well as physically: it makes me whiny, and depressed, and hopeless, especially when it stretches on and on as it had this time. We're going to a friend's wedding today, and I just can't do a day of social activity in bad chairs and summer heat while at the level of pain and grump I was at last night—I would have been a monster.
So Tramadol it was.
The side effects didn't kick in as quick as usual, this time. For the first few hours all the pill did was kill my pain and relax my muscles, which was extraordinary helpful but almost felt like a letdown—where was my euphoria and that pleasant high? I felt cheated. But oh boy did it kick in later—but there was no euphoria this time. To be honest, I felt ill—wide-eyed, floaty, dizzy, tingly, itchy, shaky, sick to my stomach, hyper-attentive but unable to concentrate, high in the way that I would almost call a bad trip. Hours and some sleep later and I can still feel some of it. I've had these side effects before, subdued and mixed with that euphoria which I love so much; without the euphoria, however, I feel them more intensely—and it's unpleasant; it's almost frightening.
It's good for me, I think. It tinges the giddy experience of my beloved happy pill, it makes it a worst case scenario instead of a guilty pleasure. Hopefully this will make things a bit easier as I come off of it—I will be glad to get it out of my system, and not so eager (and so desperate) to take it again. Given my propensity towards addiction, that's a good thing.
But still: wherefore art thou, my beloved euphoria?
Probably in slight correlation with my back pain—I've had so much to say lately, and so little energy to say it. There are dozens of posts, thoughtful posts, floating around in my thoughts, but I can't yet make those thoughts concrete. Letters are left hanging, posts left half-finished, and I only hope that I can corral my notes into an upcoming book review. But, save for the back pain and associated grump, I haven't felt depressed or antisocial. The opposite, in fact—I've been aware and interested lately, intelligent and engaged. In fact, half the reason I haven't been writing my experiences is because it would take up time I could be using to have those experiences. This doesn't mean I've been extraordinarily productive or social or active, lately. It means I've been reading well, consuming wonderful media all around, and very much in love with the boy. And I've been reading LJ posts, and finally caught up on most of my replies to them today. I have so much love for all of you people right now.
These are good things.
I have been arsed to update my Tumblr, however. I'm actually having something of a love affair with Tumblr, where I've been blogging video games (primarily Persona 4, StarCraft II, and Silent Hill 2—all of it silly, pointless, and spoilerific—be warned!). It's a lovely midpoint between the immediacy and brevity of Twitter and the thoughtfulness and length of LiveJournal, and it also welcomes picture posts—I can update compulsively, frivolously, and quickly, putting out things which amuse me but also some things which intrigue me, which make me think.
And it gave me an excuse to make a gaming cat icon.
I imagine no one is reading my Tumblr, and I don't blame anyone for it. It is after all the land of foolishness and spoilers. Still I wish someone were, because I'm having so much fun there—I wish I could share it!
Anyhow. I could do with a shower and perhaps a nap before this wedding thing, so off I run to talk less and do more.
So Tramadol it was.
The side effects didn't kick in as quick as usual, this time. For the first few hours all the pill did was kill my pain and relax my muscles, which was extraordinary helpful but almost felt like a letdown—where was my euphoria and that pleasant high? I felt cheated. But oh boy did it kick in later—but there was no euphoria this time. To be honest, I felt ill—wide-eyed, floaty, dizzy, tingly, itchy, shaky, sick to my stomach, hyper-attentive but unable to concentrate, high in the way that I would almost call a bad trip. Hours and some sleep later and I can still feel some of it. I've had these side effects before, subdued and mixed with that euphoria which I love so much; without the euphoria, however, I feel them more intensely—and it's unpleasant; it's almost frightening.
It's good for me, I think. It tinges the giddy experience of my beloved happy pill, it makes it a worst case scenario instead of a guilty pleasure. Hopefully this will make things a bit easier as I come off of it—I will be glad to get it out of my system, and not so eager (and so desperate) to take it again. Given my propensity towards addiction, that's a good thing.
But still: wherefore art thou, my beloved euphoria?
Probably in slight correlation with my back pain—I've had so much to say lately, and so little energy to say it. There are dozens of posts, thoughtful posts, floating around in my thoughts, but I can't yet make those thoughts concrete. Letters are left hanging, posts left half-finished, and I only hope that I can corral my notes into an upcoming book review. But, save for the back pain and associated grump, I haven't felt depressed or antisocial. The opposite, in fact—I've been aware and interested lately, intelligent and engaged. In fact, half the reason I haven't been writing my experiences is because it would take up time I could be using to have those experiences. This doesn't mean I've been extraordinarily productive or social or active, lately. It means I've been reading well, consuming wonderful media all around, and very much in love with the boy. And I've been reading LJ posts, and finally caught up on most of my replies to them today. I have so much love for all of you people right now.
These are good things.
I have been arsed to update my Tumblr, however. I'm actually having something of a love affair with Tumblr, where I've been blogging video games (primarily Persona 4, StarCraft II, and Silent Hill 2—all of it silly, pointless, and spoilerific—be warned!). It's a lovely midpoint between the immediacy and brevity of Twitter and the thoughtfulness and length of LiveJournal, and it also welcomes picture posts—I can update compulsively, frivolously, and quickly, putting out things which amuse me but also some things which intrigue me, which make me think.
And it gave me an excuse to make a gaming cat icon.
I imagine no one is reading my Tumblr, and I don't blame anyone for it. It is after all the land of foolishness and spoilers. Still I wish someone were, because I'm having so much fun there—I wish I could share it!
Anyhow. I could do with a shower and perhaps a nap before this wedding thing, so off I run to talk less and do more.
